Funny Status Messages

   damn right I'm good in bed... I can sleep for days!!

   Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work

   that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.

   True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...

   When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)

   When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

   I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

   not feeling himself today............ anyone else wanna try!!! :-)

   If you watch Rambo backwards, it's about a medic with a magical bullet vacuum.

   Heaven doesn't want me & Hells just afraid i'll take over!!

   I'm only gunna give you half of it," the back half."

     You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.

   I SURVIVED Y2K, BIRD FLUE, SWINE FLU AND MAD COW DISEASE. 2012 BRING IT ON.

   how about a game of "just the tip"??

   Did I ever tell you about my roofer who came down with shingles?

   Do they call him Prime Minister because you can't divide him up into multiple smaller ministers?

   Cant believe why jews didn't come up with "my mind on my money and my money on my mind."

   Can you imagine how painful walking would be if we all had foot balls?

   you know what works better than a rape whistle? a rape pistol.

   I'm not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.