Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5905 of 6370
better pay his COX cable bill before they cut our COX off...
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05-21-2010 19:44 by Mike M
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once cops get smart enough to put a breathalyzer test at the end of a Taco Bell drive-thru WE'RE ALL SCREWED!
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05-21-2010 18:57 by Joser
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my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
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05-21-2010 18:56 by Joser
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"It's time to take back our country!" Fine. Just return it to your nearest Indian casino.
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05-21-2010 18:56 by Joser
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A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.
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05-21-2010 18:56 by Joser
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The law says I can't drive with an open container, but it says nothing about jello shots!!
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05-21-2010 18:55 by Joser
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Parents inThis Economy is soo bad... Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
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05-21-2010 17:53 by Joser
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The best things in life are free.... or have no interest or payments for one full year.
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05-21-2010 17:49 by Joser
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My philosophy? People who have creepy dungeons probably don't wear a watch. So, when a stranger asks for the time, I pepper spay them.
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05-21-2010 17:47 by Joser
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The Deadliest Catch would be so much cooler if they'd plant a serial killer on each boat.
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05-21-2010 17:46 by Joser
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Where did Macaulay Culkin get the cardboard people for the party in Home Alone? Don't tell me you haven't also wondered this from time to time.
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05-21-2010 17:46 by Joser
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I miss The Oregon Trail. Life seemed so simple when your biggest worry was killing enough buffalo before you died of dysentery.
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05-21-2010 17:45 by Joser
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I think my upstairs neighbors are shouting about who can stomp the loudest.
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05-21-2010 17:45 by Joser
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An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten."
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
When they say "instant credit," they actually mean "instant debt"!
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05-21-2010 17:27 by Mduduzi
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The founder of 'Jews for Jesus' died today.. the funeral will be catered by 'Vegetarians for Meat'
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05-21-2010 17:10 by jdpower
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There should be breathalyzers installed in phones and facebook, that read "cannot text, call, or update status while under the infulence"
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05-21-2010 16:41
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just got a painting of David Carradine and I hung it in my closet.
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05-21-2010 16:33 by Leeferd
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nice perfume....must you marinate in it?
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05-21-2010 16:21
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