Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5885 of 6370
"Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls."
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05-31-2010 18:28 by Shannon
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Can I have your phone number, so I can call you the next time I have a 4 hour erection?
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05-31-2010 17:33
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pretty drowsy......he's pretty sure he has a nap for that....
"We can still be friends" is like saying "Hey, the dog died but we can keep it"
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05-31-2010 16:58 by Laurent
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Definition of stupid; person who locks their keys in the car...and it takes them an hour to get their family out.
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05-31-2010 15:43 by Stellar M
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...easy there, don't cry, it's OK. Everyone makes mistakes...take your parents for example
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05-31-2010 15:33 by Stellar M
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I'm not feeling myself today... anyone else wanna try?
Since practice makes perfect, I must thank my parents for not givin' up on the first try. :)
preparing for confession. Anyone have an unused condom?
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05-31-2010 15:00 by X
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"Money cannot buy you happiness but id rather cry in my ferrari...."
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05-31-2010 14:32
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Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.
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05-31-2010 14:12 by Aaron
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- I heard my mates's girlfriend say to him..."You'd be fitter if you exercised you lazy f**k".....I could't help myself interrupting and said to her...."You'd be a lot f**kin fitter if you were your sister"....
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05-31-2010 13:55 by Y.P
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At the beach life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun.
If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
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05-31-2010 12:52 by Bacha
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The tip of the day: Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night!
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05-31-2010 12:18
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is surprised that some group of backwoods pudknockers hasn't yet blamed President Obama for CAUSING the BP oil leak in the Gulf.
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05-31-2010 11:51
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wonders how exactly does one wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy?
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05-31-2010 10:27
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Quitting Facebook over privacy is like moving out of your house because you can't be bothered to lock the door....
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05-31-2010 09:15 by Craneman
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Why hasn't BP used my solution yet to stop that oil leak? Simple AND brilliant...contact Tampax, have the worlds largest tampon made. Stick it in the hole....TADA, no more leaks...
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05-31-2010 07:57
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Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
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05-31-2010 05:55 by sidd
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