Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   He hate hangovers..I mean the drinking part is awesome though.

   went to the dark side but came back cause they lied about having cookies....

   Why don't blind men skydive?...........Because it scares the sh*t out of the dog.

   Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

   has heard that Toyota's new 2011 Camry will be so advanced it recalls itself.

   The one person that BP has not called on to fix the oil leak is MacGyver. he can do it with a stick of gum a Q-tip and some tin foil!!!

   BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake account mocking the oil company. Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean.

   HECK is where you go if you don't believe in GOSH

   LIFE; It's one damned thing after another

   I don't mind going to work. It's that 8 hour wait to go home that sucks!

   To save time, lets just assume I'm NEVER wrong!

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   you know your getting older when your underwear creeps up on you... and you kinda enjoy it...

   wondering how the Gore's will split the internet in their divorce.

   This girl tells me "you only call me when your bored "ughhh.... duhh!! why would I call you when i'm busy?!?

   Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

   After Al Gore gets divorced, his wife will receive 40 percent of his ego, his ignorance, and the Internet.

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people

   Facebook is doing maintenance on my account. I hope that means they're airbrushing my profile pics!

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update