Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Next Week is not good for me the Jonas Brothers are in town

   ever sat in the parking lot at walmart and honk at random people and watch their reaction? hahaha

   I just saved a bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms

   coming out of the closet. I was playing hide & seek.

   hey you..............yes you....................stop staring at my status you perv

   While asking for support over the oil spill, I had a interview with a mermaid and she shouted "Obama doesn't like sea creatures!"... awkward silence

   The rest of the world loves soccer. Surely we must be missing something. Uh, isn't that what the Russians told us about communism? Soccer blows.

   looking forward to July 12th... England 4?5?6? - USA 0

   can't believe he's not butter!

   doesn't want to brag or make anybody jealous . . . but she can still fit into the earrings she wore in high school!!

   BREAKING NEWS: BP Tries Adding Balsamic Vinegar to Oil

   “Whoever said Money can't buy happiness, They just didn't know where to go Shopping.”

   "Weebonics"- The adorable chatter of a toddler.

   Ok so everyone was bustin' Bush for hurricane Katrina in new orleans .... now where the hell is obama when we're having the biggest natural disaster in history .... its been 6 weeks, wtf is he doin besides watching the playoffs

   I Love You like HELL!!! Its just that I don't want to DIE ;)

   I met a woman last night who said she would take me to heaven for $50. Damn these religious fanatics and their annoying fund-raising scams

   Going to MacDonalds for a Salad is like going to a crack house for vitamins

   These high gas prices sure have made it hard to land on the dollar when filling up.

   borrowed my wife's razor, it had a sensitive strip. Now I can't stop crying.

   iF YoU tyPE LiKE ThiS, YoU'rE prOBAblY tOo YoUNG To bE oN fACebOoK.