Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When asked "What would you bring with you to a deserted island", how come no one ever replies, "A boat."?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 17:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon With all the technology available now, you'd think they'd have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 17:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sunburn is only a laughing matter when it happens to someone else.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 17:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon how many hijackings with nail clippers and shampoo have there been? None, that's how many!
←Rate | 06-08-2010 17:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the show is called America's Got Talent, how come Howie Mandel is hosting it?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 17:38 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 15:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon She has a million dollar figure. But the top half is counterfeit.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 15:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never tell a dyslexic to cop a feel. Either way, they'll get hurt.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 14:57 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relly hopes the weekend comes as quick as some of her exes
←Rate | 06-08-2010 14:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon - Definition of Keyring---A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your f**king keys at once.....
←Rate | 06-08-2010 14:19 by Y.P Comments (0)  


   messageicon In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence
←Rate | 06-08-2010 14:04 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bing is a great website, for internet searches. I know this, because I Googled it.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:54 by MatthewPacheco Comments (4)  


   messageicon Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:52 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:31 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete... ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon found a dead lizard on the back porch...apparently, a reptile dysfunction.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:13 by @bitemeNsuckit Comments (0)  


   messageicon So where are all the "Save the Gulf" concerts? We can send bjillions to Haiti but forget the working folks in the Gulf, eh?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 12:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love !
←Rate | 06-08-2010 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do all Mexican restaurants serve Pepsi and not Coke?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 12:33 by Leeferd Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 11:33 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  




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