Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5866 of 6370
If the show is called America's Got Talent, how come Howie Mandel is hosting it?
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06-08-2010 17:38 by Joser
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A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
She has a million dollar figure. But the top half is counterfeit.
Never tell a dyslexic to cop a feel. Either way, they'll get hurt.
Relly hopes the weekend comes as quick as some of her exes
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06-08-2010 14:23
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- Definition of Keyring---A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your f**king keys at once.....
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06-08-2010 14:19 by Y.P
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In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence
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06-08-2010 14:04 by @seddy90
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Bing is a great website, for internet searches. I know this, because I Googled it.
Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny
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06-08-2010 13:52 by @seddy90
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filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
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06-08-2010 13:31 by @seddy90
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attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete... ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.
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06-08-2010 13:19
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found a dead lizard on the back porch...apparently, a reptile dysfunction.
So where are all the "Save the Gulf" concerts? We can send bjillions to Haiti but forget the working folks in the Gulf, eh?
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06-08-2010 12:51
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Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love !
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06-08-2010 12:40
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Why do all Mexican restaurants serve Pepsi and not Coke?
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06-08-2010 12:33 by Leeferd
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
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06-08-2010 11:33 by @seddy90
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Let's say you were to date someone for a few months and then they told you that they were actually " married". Is that considered good news or bad news?
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true
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06-08-2010 10:16 by jz
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You know you're getting old when you no longer buy cereal for the prize but for the fiber content.
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06-08-2010 08:39 by Leeferd
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just written "You have no new messages" on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and thrown it far out to sea.