Funny Status Messages

   Shrek beat Sex and The City at the box office this past weekend. It was quite a showdown between two very unique movies. One is about a hideous creature and all of it's friends, and the other one is Shrek.

   attempting to give a damn: ███████████████████] 99% Complete... ERROR!: Unable to give a damn.

   wonders why passing dog walkers insist on introducing their dogs to each other, when the animals clearly act as if they want to tear out each others' throats.

   figures the only thing worse than finding out that you were given up for adoption would be learning that it was Rick Astley who gave you up.

   would you like that sea bass regular or unleaded?

   sick of the jehovahs witness knocking on my door. So I'm making my cat take karate lessons. If they come around again, Fluffy is gonna kick some serious ass!

   watching the 2010 World Cup (and then I found the remote)

   save the trees, smoke a cigarette.

   smarter then the averige beare!! ...oh dangit, maybe not

   How can big pharma make millions of dollars selling laxatives to the elderly, when Taco Bell can manage to do the trick for $2.99?

   not a stalker, I'm just bad with goodbyes.

   It doesn't value to play ,except you play to the end

   Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.

   Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

   The saying goes "Always wear cleaned underwear, you never know when your going to be hit by a bus." But isn't it when you get hit by the bus, you SH*T yourself, already ruining your clean knickers?

   As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio

   Move out of the way children i've been waiting 11 years to see toy story 3...

   When we were little, why were we so scared of our parents counting to three?

   saw a banana peel in the road today and instinctively swerved to miss it, thanks Mario Kart!

   Statistically speaking 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy!