Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5851 of 5957

   messageicon Daddy, when will our GP waiting time go down, now all the foreign doctors have gone home?
←Rate | 04-11-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want my obituary to read: "She laid down the boogie and played that funky music till she died."
←Rate | 04-11-2018 15:41 by ZumbaDi Comments (0)  

   messageicon i thought mark zukerberg was supposed to look like justin timberlake?
←Rate | 04-11-2018 16:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way Fox news channel distorts the news they should change their name to FAUX NEWS :)
←Rate | 04-11-2018 23:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll never forget the thrill of that first kiss or the night I decided to keep someone else's Tupperware.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some days parenting's like The Sound of Music but with less singing and more hiding from the Nazis.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relationship status: Maybe it’s time I learn to crochet
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I stand by the unlikely threat I made when I thought you couldn’t hear me.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m tired of not having any plans to cancel.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon MASA - Make America Smart Again
←Rate | 04-12-2018 02:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Having a search warrant is not a break in .
←Rate | 04-12-2018 02:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
←Rate | 04-12-2018 07:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wife [with me in a headlock] Stop saying “Dilly dilly”
←Rate | 04-12-2018 13:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'd love to be your widow, someday" - me flirting
←Rate | 04-12-2018 13:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a double agent goes rogue. At long last looks like Trump has turned on his Russian handlers.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 14:37 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I did 5 squats today so if you catch me looking a little thick tomorrow don't be alarmed
←Rate | 04-12-2018 14:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ;) A mistress is someone between a mister and a mattress
←Rate | 04-13-2018 02:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dad is afraid to sleep by himself. When my mom went to vist aunt, dad had the lady from next door come over and sleep with him.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 02:59 by Jake Comments (1)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left