Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5834 of 6370
Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.
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06-21-2010 04:28
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every movie is practically comin out in 3d, maybe thats why I feel cross-eyed
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06-21-2010 03:42
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wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?
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06-21-2010 00:13 by COREY
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I get annoyed when houseguests take long hot showers... it fogs up my hidden camera lens.
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06-20-2010 23:43
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i believe in recycling.... see i'm wearing same clothes from yesterday !!
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06-20-2010 23:32 by pia
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a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg
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06-20-2010 23:01 by Danmanz
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Judging by the lack of Fathers Day cards I received in the mail today, I'm guessing your m0m never told you.
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06-20-2010 22:26 by Joser
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None of my illegitimate sons sent me a card today. B@stards.
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06-20-2010 22:24 by Joser
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Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.
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06-20-2010 22:06 by Joser
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It must be a real self-esteem killer for a fat lady if the show always ends after she sings.
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06-20-2010 22:05 by Joser
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I said I would never watch another 3-D movie after watching "Dirk Diggler" in Boogie Nights 3-D but Toy Story 3 kicked ass!
Im down to funnel three 40's and talk some $hit!!!
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06-20-2010 20:15
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Happy fathers day to all you dads out there. ADVICE: Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. :)
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06-20-2010 19:59
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I must find time to practice for my vuvuzela recital.
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06-20-2010 19:10
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so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!
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06-20-2010 15:40
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An yank walked into an English pub and asked for a pint of Bud.The barman replied "You're American aren't you?" The man says, "Yeah. Could you tell by the drink I ordered?"The barman replied. "Neither, you are the fattest f**k I have ever seen”
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06-20-2010 14:45
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Today I want to say happy fathers day, and also say thanks to all the moms. just remember fellas without moms there would be no dads !!
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06-20-2010 14:17
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Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.
Dear Friday: You have been gone all week, no visit, no call, no nothing. For some reason your absense doesn't bother me, I am glad to see you again...so is my liver, Cheers!
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06-20-2010 10:06 by Charlie
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enjoying deleting friends on Father's Day. I'm pretending I'm disowning my children.
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06-20-2010 07:18 by Leeferd
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