Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just wants to make it clear...white men leave their kids too...

   written what you are reading

   don't it look more Spacious in here without the rug?

   Im not saying all IPhone users are douchbags. I am simply saying all douchbags are IPhone users =)

   Women should come with Miranda Rights....because if you say the wrong thing, it will come back to haunt you!

   getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Circle'...all done. And I thought this getting into shape thing was going to be hard.

   feed the homeless to the hungry, 2 problems solved......

   An Englishman walks into a bar. The American knocks him out, takes his girlfriend, and lives happily ever after. The end.

   let's get 1 thing straight...i work for a living,..i dont live for workin'

   2 englishmen walk into a dentist... That is it...

   thinks you should probably just let your "Honor Roll" student drive, cause you're very obviously an idiot.

   just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."

   tired of all the emails I keep getting on how to enlarge my p*nis, especially since I am a woman, so I have forward them to my exhusband

   thinks you should NEVER look down on someone...unless you have a clear view of cleavage.

   If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh**" and "syphilis

   Whats the difference between arrogant and ignorant? Brithish and Welsh

   Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

   Man made alcohol, God made marijuana, who are you going to trust?

   thinks the fastest way to being happy is to make others happy. You go first.

   You moon the wrong person at the office as a joke just once, and suddenly you're not "professional" anymore.