Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5790 of 5951

   messageicon certaintly.. not in a balloon at this moment
←Rate | 10-15-2009 16:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some call it Murder....I call it Annulment by Vacation on a Cruise ship......
←Rate | 10-15-2009 15:43 by Daniel S Comments (0)  

   messageicon my blond sister jus texted me and asked what does "idk" stand for? I said I dont know. she said OMG! nobody does!
←Rate | 10-15-2009 14:05 by sellers82 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the coolest thing to hit the street since´╗┐ ice
←Rate | 10-15-2009 13:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes I could measure how much of my life has passed me by while I played with my iPhone. . . Maybe there's an app for that.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 13:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why people think squirrels are cute. They are after all, a rodent like a rat except they have a fuzzy tale.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 13:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to an increasing number of terrified friends, I'm going to have to change my profile picture !!!
←Rate | 10-15-2009 11:50 by Marjan Comments (0)  

   messageicon loves to go to Washington - if only to be near his money.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 08:27 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks it's unbelievable how pretentious some cat owners are. I could never be like that with my Dostoevsky!
←Rate | 10-15-2009 07:06 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon has just got back from the future...........You wouldn't believe how many blades they have on razors!
←Rate | 10-15-2009 07:04 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am...
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:57 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks scare-crows should get Nobel prizes because they are out standing in their field
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon likes to fill up the bath, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's jus been hit.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?.....The cold shoulder.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon breaking up with his flirtatious imaginary girlfriend in hope that his seductive mythological lover could become more allegorical....
←Rate | 10-15-2009 01:43 by gavdun Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old. I remember when "flash memory" meant "ability to recall guys in raincoats showing their naughty bits." Those were simpler times for sure!
←Rate | 10-15-2009 00:42 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left