Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5790 of 5844

   messageicon thinks the last place he'd like to be beamed is "Up Scotty"
←Rate | 05-19-2009 08:20 by Dragon-king | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering where he can get a hardcover version of Facebook
←Rate | 05-19-2009 08:20 by Dragon-king | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon calculating the square root of tomorrow
←Rate | 05-18-2009 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon not gaining weight, he's retaining food!
←Rate | 05-18-2009 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon browsing tube8.com... Haha! I know you will open it.
←Rate | 05-18-2009 22:49 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon watching the news and cannot figure out what the big deal is with Gay marriages & Gay Weddings. Flowers, classical music, people dancing to the Village People and Sister Sledge. Aren't all weddings Gay?
←Rate | 05-18-2009 22:09 by Vybe | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
←Rate | 05-18-2009 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon secretly transformed himself into this status message an is now having sex with your eyes. You are smiling, you must like it. ;)
←Rate | 05-18-2009 03:05 by Krb | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon a date with 2 Girls from 1 Cup
←Rate | 05-18-2009 01:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon running around robbing banks all wacked on the scooby snacks..!!
←Rate | 05-17-2009 21:06 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones
←Rate | 05-17-2009 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Something you never hear in the news: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."
←Rate | 05-17-2009 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"
←Rate | 05-17-2009 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."
←Rate | 05-17-2009 15:41 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties
←Rate | 05-17-2009 15:40 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of you ran down your mothers leg
←Rate | 05-17-2009 15:10 by Darren | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon found Nemo. (Reminder: you have to hold the handle until it's done flushing...)
←Rate | 05-17-2009 14:33 by Peebs | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Resembles the resemblance of reality.
←Rate | 05-17-2009 14:29 by Peebs | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not hanging around with Damon The Infidel
←Rate | 05-17-2009 07:48 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
←Rate | 05-17-2009 01:54 by Ryan S. Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left