Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong…

   if men had periods, would they brag about the size of their tampons?

   Even ugly babies are still kinda cute.

   Paddy goes on a 1st aid course, the instructor asks him what would you do if your child swallowed the front door key? Paddy said i'd climb through the window.

   I never figured "HECK" is a combination of Hell and Fcuuk.

   I am surprised nobody has thought of inventing sleeping pills for toddlers.

   a woman's mid section is called a waist because there's clearly room for 2 more breasts...

   Don't judge a book by its cover but you can judge a girl by the quality of her baby toe.

   Finally There is a solution to get rod off Timeline. Go to youtube search on How to remove timeline and click on the second link.

   Today my friend told that when she was younger she used to be so obsessed with tooth fairy that she used to rip out even healthy teeth. @oh it must of hurt heaps?- I asked her To what she replyed. Donno ask my lil bro

   Ha ha there's nobody here. I'm going to steal the internet and sell it on ebay! Oh wait....

   I wrote something about drugs and my mom "liked" it!

   relieved. He hasn't seen this many miners since Neverland closed.

   born in a system That doesn't give a f**k about you nor me nor the lies

   come to the conclusion that you don't BUY beer....you just rent it.

   learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch

   Just realized how sad it is when people watch reality tv rather than going out and having a reality!

   wondering if what he is wondering is wonderful enough!

   ``I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl. Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall.''

   what does Relationship Status "ITS COMPLICATED" really means...Does it mean a Single man with Broken Hand or a Married person not getting any sex and hand broken too.?...Somebody please EXPLAIN