Funny Status Messages

   I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲

   Never buy my grandchildren's christmas presents in november. They really seem fun...and Christmas is in more than a month...oh what the heck: I have to try them. It's party time!

   Thankful saturday: The saturday after Thanksgiving when all your relatives have finally gone back home.

   The older I get, the more sense it makes to have a TV in the bathroom.

   brought to you in full digital and also giving out coupons for your box.

   British PhD student Matthew Hedges has been pardoned in the United Arab Emirates! All he has to do is visit the Embassy to pick up his papers!

   "Who let the dogs out?" - [Pavlov getting annoyed]

   I was thinking about going to Walmart for Black Friday but I couldn't find my pajamas.

   When someone says "Only God can judge me" what they are really saying "I know it's wrong but I still don't care."

   My grandpa was so competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last, he said, "Staring contest......GO".

   My friend hates it when I put his chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. He gets his snickers in a twix.

   People ask to meet for coffee so they can pick my brain almost every week. If you don’t want to pay for consultancy I don’t have a brain.

   So what caused GM to beg for a bailout 10 years ago. I am sure it wasnt bad management

   I bet the astronauts were bummed when they found out Tang was just something they drank in space...

   The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after Deer .

   MIRACLE-WHIP IS SALAD DRESSING NOT MAYONNAISE Restaurants stop putting salad dressing on my sammiches !!

   Just cleaned up my friends list, so if you can see this post it means you've made the cut because your special!....or my worst enemy I just want to keep an eye on.

   Not so great minds also think alike!

   Word of the Day: Hippocampus - A college or university where a significant number of students are overweight.

   Some people like set an example. I prefer to be a warning.