Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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There's no such thing as being "big boned." How many fat skeletons have you ever seen???
I don't know why some girls refuse to use a porta-potty. It's not like us men pee on the seat on purpose...geesh:)
Pop Rocks and Condoms! All I can say is WOW!
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07-27-2010 21:37
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Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart?
just got a phone call reminder from my dentist about an appointment to come in for a cavity search...
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07-27-2010 20:51
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The Stones are doing a farewell tour. Gonna miss Fred and Barney.
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07-27-2010 20:50
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I can be the only guy at Walmart at two in the morning but as soon as I whip that box of Tampax on the belt, the checkout line is full and they do a price check.
Dang Kobe, first Artest and now Matt Barnes!? Talk about keeping ur friends close and ur enemies closer! Lol
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07-27-2010 20:43
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It's never a good sign when you lift a girls skirt and find a fly strip dangling down.
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07-27-2010 20:39
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Suppose I should get a girlfriend. Yep, I'm almost out of cologne.
My poor girlfriend. She's been sick every morning so far this week. I hope she starts to feel better.
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07-27-2010 20:31
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I like to play "Rodeo Cowboy" with my girlfriend. Whenever we're making love and I'm behind her, I call her by a different name and see how long I can hold on.
wonders why all the old people talk about how far they walked to school back in the day...didnt anyone live close to the school back then
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07-27-2010 20:05 by Eddy
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when the smog clears in Los Angeles, UCLA...
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07-27-2010 19:29
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breaking news! Suicidal twin kills sister by accident!
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07-27-2010 19:27
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If we arent meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge?
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07-27-2010 19:05
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I met a girl in a pub last night.We ended up going back to hers.After a few more drinks, we started kissing & having a bit of foreplay on the sofa.She looked at me and said, "Let's take this upstairs."I said,"Okay you grab one end and I'll grab the other.
I was very ambitious about achieving goals until I learned you can just go to bars and lie to people.
They are making a Mexican version of the ‘Sound of the Music'? Sombrer over the mountain…..
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07-27-2010 18:28
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Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do. And if you piss him off, you go to a place full of fire and burning and torture and anguish. But he loves you. He loves you, and he needs money.
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07-27-2010 16:32 by Tracy
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