Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5729 of 6370
I hear reincarnation is making a come back.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 02:30
Comments (0)
Taught my grandmother that "Jabroni" means "fine young man" and it's made our time out in public way more interesting.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 08:54
Comments (0)
"YOU ARE FIRED!" - Just me practicing for when Trump is impeached.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 10:07
Comments (2)
You know when Fall season has shown up. Crappy door wreaths everywhere.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 10:37 by Rick
Comments (0)
If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!
←Rate |
09-22-2018 13:14 by Truman
Comments (0)
Lady, are you a Kardashian because I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 17:00
Comments (0)
Life is an ever expanding list of things that you used to enjoy.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 17:02
Comments (0)
Do squirrels ever die from old age or are they all murdered?
←Rate |
09-22-2018 17:08
Comments (0)
So, if you are crediting a woman for something, and treating them equally, you might be a idiot 1ibera1.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 20:41 by Con
Comments (0)
Sometimes I think sharks eat people just so they can be on tv.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 21:51 by Scstarman
Comments (0)
I bought a bottle of Himalayan salt today.
It's supposed to be two hundred and fifty million years old.
I just noticed the expiration date is July, 2019.
Good thing they dug it up when they did.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 21:53 by Scstarman
Comments (3)
HEY, I wrote the manual on ADD….
Well, it's not actually a manual.
It's only 3 sentences….
The rest is a drawing of a giant space robot eating a skyscraper made of muffins.
←Rate |
09-22-2018 21:56 by Scstarman
Comments (1)
Can someone NOT on welfare lend me their social insurance number so I can get a little extra income, I'll go splits with ya
←Rate |
09-22-2018 23:53
Comments (0)
I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls! The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"
←Rate |
09-23-2018 06:58 by Truman
Comments (0)
"What's the new baby's name?" "We don't know..we can't understand a word he says!"
←Rate |
09-23-2018 07:24 by Truman
Comments (0)
As a New Yorker " aight bet " could mean " I totally agree with you" or possibly your life is in danger
←Rate |
09-23-2018 10:41
Comments (0)
[Breaking News]
Australian strawberries found in Salisbury!
←Rate |
09-23-2018 10:53 by Truman
Comments (0)
ATTENTION!!! Heavy rain is on the forecast this week, please use permanent markers for your eyebrows.
←Rate |
09-23-2018 13:05 by Stevielea
Comments (0)
In a crowded room I like to let out a silent but deadly fart then shout "do I smell popcorn" so everyone gets a good whiff!
←Rate |
09-23-2018 13:10 by Stevielea
Comments (0)
I'm not the sort of person who is in a position to cast the first stone, but I sure as hell will cast the second one.
←Rate |
09-23-2018 18:04
Comments (0)