Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5712 of 5774

   messageicon thinks DJ AM should have been buried in the morning......just sayin'
←Rate | 09-03-2009 17:00 by troy Comments (0)  

   messageicon you look so beautiful.......GOD THIS THING SUCKS AT SARCASM
←Rate | 09-03-2009 14:42 by blade Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishing everyone a happy Friday eve!
←Rate | 09-03-2009 08:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many of the Lost cast does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it will take 20 episodes.
←Rate | 09-02-2009 14:44 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon asks if what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas....... then why did my new wife follow me home????
←Rate | 09-02-2009 01:33 by guest-TJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon just realized that if you change the word "wand" to "wang" in the Harry Potter books, suddenly the books become a lot more interesting.
←Rate | 09-02-2009 01:15 by pedro Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows the last digit of PI.
←Rate | 09-02-2009 00:41 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Wake Me Up When September Ends"
←Rate | 09-01-2009 23:18 by ziado Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt?....You're wondering now!!
←Rate | 09-01-2009 22:47 by Scott Comments (0)  

   messageicon tonights "Built Ford Tough" Player of the Game
←Rate | 09-01-2009 19:10 by iLL Rated Comments (0)  

   messageicon My hamster died today He fell asleep at the wheel.
←Rate | 09-01-2009 17:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
←Rate | 09-01-2009 11:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tell me now before I blow twenty bucks on drinks.
←Rate | 09-01-2009 11:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon re-naming his remote "G-Spot". Why you ask? 'Cause he can never find it.
←Rate | 08-31-2009 11:14 by Chaos Koala Comments (0)  

   messageicon it's Monday and the time to procrastinate is NOW!
←Rate | 08-31-2009 09:20 by Piney Comments (0)  

   messageicon remembers the first time he had sex – he kept the receipt.
←Rate | 08-31-2009 08:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon didn't attend the funeral, but she sent a nice letter saying she approved of it.
←Rate | 08-31-2009 07:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wanted to write something about DJ AM but some people said it was too early, so i'm gonna wait 'till noon.
←Rate | 08-31-2009 00:31 by tazosh Comments (0)  

   messageicon real friends stab you in the front.
←Rate | 08-31-2009 00:27 by tazosh Comments (0)  

   messageicon if someone at your church tells you that you have a servant's're about to start stackin' chairs.
←Rate | 08-30-2009 13:33 by robert Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left