Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded
←Rate | 08-04-2010 12:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I found out my new toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked
←Rate | 08-04-2010 12:17 by status thief Comments (0)  


   messageicon August 4th 1969....Yeah, not a day that America needed! Or what ever country he was REALLY born in..
←Rate | 08-04-2010 11:28 by Gr~Apes Comments (2)  


   messageicon at the circus watching a guy shoot out of a cannon. I thought, "Half of me wants to do that sometime.". Then I thought, "Half of me already did do that the day I was conceived!"
←Rate | 08-04-2010 11:15 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon wished parents would stop posting pics of their kids every day on facebook. We know how ugly your kid is with out the constant reminder.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm one click of the mouse away from taking over the world. HA, HA, HA......
←Rate | 08-04-2010 08:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon real men don`t wear pink , it ain`t big and it ain`t clever.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 06:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you have a cat....you never poop alone.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe it, just when I moved to a nice neighbourhood away from all the theft and gun crime, they've gone and invented the houses that were too close.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so far its been one of those weeks where the middle finger can answer any question!!!
←Rate | 08-04-2010 05:30 by donna knight Comments (0)  


   messageicon do you ever look at someone and think 'out of 10,000,000 sperm YOU were the fastest?'
←Rate | 08-04-2010 05:29 by donna knight Comments (0)  


   messageicon bought a new car and named it "Curiosity". The cats down my road have had it now!
←Rate | 08-04-2010 04:34 by @SteveHarvey_ Comments (0)  


   messageicon In positive news, 6,694,254,041 people completely unaffected by the Pakistan floods.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 03:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...and buying sushi from 7-11 wasn't even the worst I made decision today
←Rate | 08-04-2010 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is only one woman who has truly changed me. It was my mother and I was a baby.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 03:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
←Rate | 08-04-2010 03:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon how mad will you be when you find out all the herbs and spices in kfc is just salt
←Rate | 08-04-2010 02:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon do not ever think a Mach 3 razor is an appropriate to tool to get rid of nose hairs.......
←Rate | 08-04-2010 01:47 by tails277 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In his first day since stepping down from BP, Tony Hayward took a $hit in his neighbor's pool.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 01:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Home Depot has opened their own pharmacy and the hottest item is their version of a male enhancement pill. The side effect is when a pretty girl walks by your garage door opens.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 00:40 Comments (0)  




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