Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon would like to point out that if every time someone masturbates, God kills a kitten... there wouldn't be such overcrowding in animal shelters.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone gifting snuggies should be immediatley disposed of.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 13:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon in the process of becoming a Mexican Citizen, so I can sneak back into the States and get better health coverage, financial aid, a tax free paying job, cheaper housing and all the other glorious benefits that we give out illegal immigrants.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 13:07 by ginger Comments (0)  

   messageicon was going to stop procrastinating and be productive today but I think I'll do that later. ;o)
←Rate | 11-09-2009 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says, "Dear Santa, I know it's a little early....but could you DEFINE naughty?" ;o)
←Rate | 11-09-2009 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering...if a sneeze really is one 10th of an orgasm.. why are we so grumpy when we have a cold??
←Rate | 11-09-2009 12:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon (If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses)
←Rate | 11-09-2009 12:19 by 514x0r Comments (0)  

   messageicon SARS was caused by CHICKENS right? Guess was the year of the CHICKENS. H1N1 caused by PIGS well guess what...year of the PIGS. Next year is the year of the ROOSTER...Great !! I guess this illness will only affect the guys. were doomed!!
←Rate | 11-09-2009 10:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Sport has the ability to change the world, the power to inspire, the power to unite people in a way that little else can. It speaks to people in a language they understand. Sport can hope where there once was despair. It is an instrument for peace."
←Rate | 11-09-2009 09:27 by - Nelson Mandela Comments (0)  

   messageicon renting out his status box as advertising space..
←Rate | 11-09-2009 09:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tip of the Day: When greeting your friend Jack at an airport,do not yell "HI,JACK!!". Another tip: prison food is terrible.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 09:17 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon says I've Got Nothing Against Mohammed or Allah...It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand
←Rate | 11-09-2009 08:56 by Brades Comments (0)  

   messageicon now available with kung fu grip!
←Rate | 11-09-2009 07:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there is "like" button why can't facebook create "unlike" button if someone happens not to like your status.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..sold her tv and bought a dvd player. Bargain! Oh..wait..
←Rate | 11-09-2009 03:31 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets;I've taken the windscreen wipers off my car.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 03:03 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status. !!!!
←Rate | 11-09-2009 02:23 by john ambler Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's official Bert & Ernie has been sharing the same bedroom for 40 years now! Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 00:23 by Mr.Carter25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ♫ Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame... What? Oh, no, no, no... go on. I was listening.
←Rate | 11-08-2009 22:52 by FrankenBeans Comments (0)  

   messageicon just given murderous primatives the power of fire!
←Rate | 11-08-2009 22:48 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

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