Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5712 of 6367
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded
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08-04-2010 12:22
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When I found out my new toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked
August 4th 1969....Yeah, not a day that America needed! Or what ever country he was REALLY born in..
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08-04-2010 11:28 by Gr~Apes
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at the circus watching a guy shoot out of a cannon. I thought, "Half of me wants to do that sometime.". Then I thought, "Half of me already did do that the day I was conceived!"
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08-04-2010 11:15 by Mike M
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wished parents would stop posting pics of their kids every day on facebook. We know how ugly your kid is with out the constant reminder.
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08-04-2010 09:26
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I'm one click of the mouse away from taking over the world. HA, HA, HA......
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08-04-2010 08:51
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real men don`t wear pink , it ain`t big and it ain`t clever.
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08-04-2010 06:52
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When you have a cat....you never poop alone.
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08-04-2010 06:45
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I can't believe it, just when I moved to a nice neighbourhood away from all the theft and gun crime, they've gone and invented the houses that were too close.
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08-04-2010 05:56
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so far its been one of those weeks where the middle finger can answer any question!!!
do you ever look at someone and think 'out of 10,000,000 sperm YOU were the fastest?'
bought a new car and named it "Curiosity". The cats down my road have had it now!
In positive news, 6,694,254,041 people completely unaffected by the Pakistan floods.
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08-04-2010 03:50
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...and buying sushi from 7-11 wasn't even the worst I made decision today
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08-04-2010 03:40
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There is only one woman who has truly changed me. It was my mother and I was a baby.
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08-04-2010 03:39
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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08-04-2010 03:38
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how mad will you be when you find out all the herbs and spices in kfc is just salt
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08-04-2010 02:25
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do not ever think a Mach 3 razor is an appropriate to tool to get rid of nose hairs.......
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08-04-2010 01:47 by tails277
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In his first day since stepping down from BP, Tony Hayward took a $hit in his neighbor's pool.
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08-04-2010 01:40
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Home Depot has opened their own pharmacy and the hottest item is their version of a male enhancement pill. The side effect is when a pretty girl walks by your garage door opens.
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08-04-2010 00:40
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