Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5707 of 6446

Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions.
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09-04-2010 19:57
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needs some fresh air and regrets the decision to let the cat lick up the spilled Fiber One yogurt.
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09-04-2010 18:27 by Tim
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I think the world would be way cooler if we would have domesticated the bear instead the horse. Oh you pranced around, jumped a stick and ate some hay? Big deal, my bear just ate a hobo, paw'd a bee hive then roared so hard deaf people heard it.
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09-04-2010 18:19
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The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil
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09-04-2010 16:56 by derek
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UGA 55, LA Lafayette 7...looks like BP wasn't the only ones to screw LA this summer.
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09-04-2010 16:47
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If it ain't broke, ask it for five dollars.
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09-04-2010 16:40 by Aaron
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"I drive like lightening." "You drive fast?" "No. I hit trees."
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09-04-2010 16:40 by Aaron
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girls are like square roots. If they're under 15 you just do them in your head
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09-04-2010 16:27 by Kobrah
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a nite with me is like giving a gun to a 6yr old...you don't know how its gonna end, but you know it's gonna make the papers!
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09-04-2010 16:23
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a pant-busting crush on you.
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09-04-2010 16:22
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Happy bday beyonce the only singer to b almost 30 nd not pregnant
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09-04-2010 16:17
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Heigh ho! Heigh ho! It's Off to the Bar I go.."

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Never buy a car you can't push.

had four E's and LSD last night, Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
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09-04-2010 14:07
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I can stop a speeding bullet. Once.
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09-04-2010 13:20 by Aaron
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Ok ladies, a night with me will give you examples for your future daughters of what kind of guy to watch out for, but in the meantime, it will give you one hell of a story to tell your girlfriends!
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09-04-2010 12:25
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wants a Web redemption
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09-04-2010 12:25
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Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes you close your eyes and hold on in shear terror and other times you just have to throw your hands up in the air and enjoy the ride.
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09-04-2010 12:24
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proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years :D
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09-04-2010 11:46
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