Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Today I met the sweetest, funniest, hottest guy in the world!......then his boyfriend showed up :(
←Rate | 11-16-2009 10:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me Chinese, Me Play Joke, Me put Roofie in your Coke
←Rate | 11-16-2009 10:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As if weighing 400 pounds didn't call enough attention to yourself,
←Rate | 11-16-2009 10:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What has 148 teeth and can hold back the Hulk? My Zipper :]
←Rate | 11-16-2009 10:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You are feeling sleepy... you will obey me... you will take off your pants...
←Rate | 11-16-2009 10:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon you are not a PC, you are a human being
←Rate | 11-16-2009 09:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Money cant buy hapiness..But it can buy a reasonable facsimile so close that the average human being cannot tell the differance
←Rate | 11-16-2009 09:15 by Tad Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it when someone's girlfriend or wife gets pregnant, her friends rub her belly and say congratulations, but no one rubs a man's penis and says good job?
←Rate | 11-16-2009 09:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon has an overwhelming urge to forcefeed anorexic teenage girls grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches until she can no longer count their ribs.
←Rate | 11-16-2009 07:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She said FML. She wants it, you gotta' give it to her.
←Rate | 11-16-2009 03:20 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon playing fetch with his Chia Pet.
←Rate | 11-16-2009 01:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not addicted to cocaine, he just likes the way it smells.
←Rate | 11-16-2009 01:28 by Ernie Bluegrass Comments (0)  

   messageicon A glow worm is never glum… Because, how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hiding behind your door waiting to scare you...:O
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You may have DIALOG or MOBITEL connection, but when you sneeze, all you say is "HUTCH"
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to a recent survey, 86 percent of people say that they have at least one annoying coworker. The remaining 14 percent don't realize that they are the annoying coworker.
←Rate | 11-16-2009 00:00 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Practice makes perfect, and no one is Perfect.. Why Practice ??
←Rate | 11-15-2009 23:40 by Karule Comments (0)  

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