Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon you can have a warm glass of shut the hell up, now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep....your in my world now grandma!!
←Rate | 11-11-2009 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to The Regal Beagle tonight with Janet and Chrissy. Larry will meet us later. When we get together, shenanigans will soon follow.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 16:45 by Middletits Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single and ready for Rumble!
←Rate | 11-11-2009 16:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon to work because the kids need new leg irons.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 16:43 by Middletits Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonders who the first idiot was that tried out a Shark proof suit?
←Rate | 11-11-2009 13:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Saturday night the House narrowly passed the healthcare bill. They say the reason it passed was because Nancy Pelosi didn't blink. But she hasn't blinked since what, 1982?
←Rate | 11-11-2009 13:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting
←Rate | 11-11-2009 13:05 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon dont waste ur breth on me sweetie, ull have2 blow up ur date later.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 08:54 by Juanita Bothma/Die mooiste Comments (0)  


   messageicon that people think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 08:51 by Juanita Bothma Comments (0)  


   messageicon Leave Me Alone! I Am Not Being Rude, It's Just That You Are Insignificant
←Rate | 11-11-2009 08:51 by Juanita Bothma Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 08:48 by Juanita Bothma Comments (0)  


   messageicon planning to hire a singing fat lady and take her to work, just in case someone says his tasks ain't over yet
←Rate | 11-11-2009 07:39 by S Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whats the difference between a wife and a prostitute? One's on contract,the other's pay-as-you-go.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 05:11 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is sleeping naked. I just wish that stewardess would go away. I don't care if there are children on this plane!
←Rate | 11-11-2009 05:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to walmart with some friends of mine. Thats the best place to play hide-n-seek.
←Rate | 11-11-2009 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont mind using the male Pill contraceptive. As long as it wont tamper will my Elephantiasis orgasm........
←Rate | 11-11-2009 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I stand on my tip-toes, I can see the weekend from here!
←Rate | 11-11-2009 00:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in a personal vacation inside my head
←Rate | 11-11-2009 00:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon eat, drink and make merry coz tomorrow we may diet.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 23:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML
←Rate | 11-10-2009 22:43 Comments (0)  


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