Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5688 of 5764

   messageicon The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music
←Rate | 10-18-2009 09:01 by Zahra Comments (0)  

   messageicon STOP TRYING TO TALK LIKE LIL WAYNE AND DRAKE RAP!!!! Youre all just making yourselves sound like illiterate retards. Youre not Lil wayne and your not Drake, so why dont you do what Drake says and DO YOU!!!!
←Rate | 10-18-2009 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you Gym for being like my Grandmother...Always there for me, even though I only visit you twice a year.
←Rate | 10-17-2009 20:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon once visited the Virgin Islands ... They are now called the Islands
←Rate | 10-17-2009 16:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.
←Rate | 10-17-2009 15:14 by @bigger23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.
←Rate | 10-17-2009 02:35 by @bigger23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon with all due repect, its hard to believe in god when certain people have yet to be disentigrated by bolts of lightning
←Rate | 10-16-2009 20:09 by @bigger23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, give a man a religeon, he'll starve to death praying for a fish
←Rate | 10-16-2009 20:04 by @bigger23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks Falcon needs to have his dose of Ritilin increased.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 18:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 17:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 17:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon gonna update this status, but I got high. I was gonna let you in on my life, but I got high. Now I'm behind the times, and I know why... hey eh, cuz I got high, cuz I got high, cuz I got high!
←Rate | 10-16-2009 15:59 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the shadow on the moon at night, Filling your dreams to the brim with fright!
←Rate | 10-16-2009 14:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This just in...BALLOON BOY IS SAFE! For all of his actions leading to safe recovery of the six year old, Obama has been awarded a 2nd Nobel Prize!
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks Marge Simpson's playboy spread was done very tastefully.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:45 by jiim Comments (0)  

   messageicon hoping Marge Simpson poses for Hustler next.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:44 by jiim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Halloween is coming… and you know what that means. An excuse for every girl to dress slutty and get away with it.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it wrong that I find Home Alone the greatest movie of all time?
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What happened to the good ole days… Like when Britney Spears would shave her head!
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fantasy football is about as close as most men will ever get to being a professional athlete.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:35 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left