Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon born under a bad sign with a blue moon in my eyes
←Rate | 11-18-2009 07:58 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon there's no I in TEAM but there's a ME in TEAM!!!
←Rate | 11-18-2009 05:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!
←Rate | 11-18-2009 00:50 by EDK Comments (0)  

   messageicon don't you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring, but when you immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail? What did the person do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
←Rate | 11-18-2009 00:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 22:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 21:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard there was a party in your pants, but she is pretty sure she won't be coming
←Rate | 11-17-2009 20:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:43 by Kal-El Comments (2)  

   messageicon Dating is for suckers who are spending a lot of money and aren't getting any.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks our exit strategy for Iraq should involve "leaving" through Iran
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:31 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon so... when does everybody think the sun will blow up?
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:27 by Kal-El Comments (0)  

   messageicon walking through the forest dressed as a deer
←Rate | 11-17-2009 18:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why people who work at Tim Hortons are SLOW? I mean come on are you that screwed up in which you actually have to ask someone if they "would like a tray" for those 5 coffees they ordered. Use your brain people!!!
←Rate | 11-17-2009 18:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon : BREAKING NEWS.... Scientist have discovered a cure for apathy, but no one seems to care.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 16:16 by wfbphoto Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 15:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon was a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting
←Rate | 11-17-2009 14:40 by anna Comments (0)  

   messageicon fairly certain the only reason that so many stupid and obnoxious people are still alive is that murder's illegal
←Rate | 11-17-2009 14:36 by Methical401 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if "I Am" is the shortest sentence in the English language, does that make "I Do" the longest sentence?
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard the Washington Bullets want to change their name to something not associated with crime. They're just gonna be called the Bullets.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon find that job you love and never work a day in your life
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:52 by Ram Comments (0)  

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