Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5685 of 6369
Tried to order at McDonald's today, couldn't understand her. So I started poking her forehead with my finger, I was trying to push 1 for English.
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08-15-2010 22:26
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smoking probable cause :D
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08-15-2010 21:13 by L
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If myspace and Twitter were suddenly gone, would anyone really care?
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08-15-2010 21:06
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you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you should never, under any circumstances, pick your friend's nose.
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08-15-2010 20:15 by Nate
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sad that my FB has become my BFF.....
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08-15-2010 20:09
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I heard there was a perfect woman at every corner of the world....Unfortunately, the world is ROUND!!!!
Hoping my dead grandma isn't watching EVERYTHING I do.....She would be pretty dissapointed in me!!
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
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08-15-2010 19:58 by Tracy
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The Guinness in the refrigerator is calling my name with a drunken slur.
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08-15-2010 19:29 by Jason
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Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D
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08-15-2010 18:58
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ok... it's been well over 4 hours and this thing aint gone down... do I keep going or call my doctor??
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08-15-2010 18:19
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knows what you did last summer...
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08-15-2010 16:59
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"When you see Kentucky's fans, you just wonder. You think how wonderful it would be to go to their school. You wish you could trade places for a day, just so you could experience that feeling." - UCLA player Kris Johnson
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08-15-2010 16:44
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"Apparently the University of Kentucky basketball dynasty is to continue forever." - Philadelphia Inquirer, December 23 1954.
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08-15-2010 16:42
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Darthvader should of been made to pay back dated child support for Luke!
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08-15-2010 16:37
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would like very much to learn the swear words of every language......fun!
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08-15-2010 16:29
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what sort of bees produce milk?.......B(o)(o)BIES !!
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08-15-2010 16:26
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might go to the hardware shop tomorrow and tell one of the assistants I need a really long screw...
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08-15-2010 16:23
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never going to leave her husband........unless I move house...he's burried under the decking!
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08-15-2010 16:15
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My mom used to say I'm wasting my life playing video games. Then I thought "no sweat, I've got 2 more lives."
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08-15-2010 16:08 by ANGELA
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