Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5672 of 5817

   messageicon Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
←Rate | 12-14-2009 16:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thank you for keeping me sober are another source of support and you dont have any idea...i check in with friends and it keeps me busy...thank you
←Rate | 12-14-2009 16:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if we all have underware we like and don't like why don't we throw away the ones we don't like and buy more of the ones we do like.
←Rate | 12-14-2009 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.
←Rate | 12-14-2009 12:44 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon because we didn't evolve from CURRENT apes... we evolved from a comman ancestor whose population was split and separated geographically 6 million years ago and evolved in different directions. DUH!
←Rate | 12-14-2009 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says if you want to feel skinny, hang out with a group of fat people.
←Rate | 12-14-2009 11:51 by mullerman Comments (0)  

   messageicon The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
←Rate | 12-14-2009 11:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Move like Michael Jackson, Tonight on BBC 3, Is a contest,to find out who can move like Micheal Jackson....Am I alone in thinking,that really all the winner needs to do,is lie down & be still for half an hour ?
←Rate | 12-14-2009 10:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
←Rate | 12-14-2009 09:03 by Brades Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas Card $3.00 Brand new "Shrek" dvd $20.00 Gift wrap $2.00 The look of disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real - PRICELESS !!!
←Rate | 12-14-2009 08:23 by Mile187 Comments (0)  

   messageicon note to self: they all look the same when the lights are out,
←Rate | 12-14-2009 07:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No outfit is complete without a few dog hairs :)
←Rate | 12-14-2009 07:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have kleptomania. But when it get's bad,i take something for it.
←Rate | 12-14-2009 07:27 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon OFFICE MEMO: Mrs. Waite is doing all my work today. If you're in a rush for it,go to Helen Waite
←Rate | 12-14-2009 07:18 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sam Adams Triple Bock.....14% alcohol? Seriously? One of these is like 3.5 Coronas! .......Danger Will Robinson!
←Rate | 12-14-2009 01:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Walked by A Maternity Clothes Store today and there was a "Please Come Inside" sign on the door. Duh, Why do you think they need Maternity Clothes
←Rate | 12-14-2009 00:52 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is like roller coster indeed, and i'm about to throw up..*woakh*
←Rate | 12-14-2009 00:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows a lot of people that will corner the market on coal this Christmas
←Rate | 12-13-2009 23:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - Strengthen your memory. Lie more.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 23:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon has never been good with foreign languages. He just tried to wish someone a happy birthday in Spanish, and what he wound up saying was, "The hooker chews on poisoned lugnuts."
←Rate | 12-13-2009 23:37 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left