Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon misses the days of jumping on the hose at the gas station to make the bell ring. Full service was the best.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 21:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon :What's black and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre...
←Rate | 10-19-2009 19:24 by RikkiSowttz Comments (0)  

   messageicon asks: It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 19:03 by Snypa Comments (0)  

   messageicon hasn't had his coffee this morning so don't make me kill you
←Rate | 10-19-2009 17:49 by timmy g Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to remind you that only dead fish go with the flow
←Rate | 10-19-2009 17:15 by Mary-Anne Lou Santiago Comments (0)  

   messageicon it's not the size of the wave that counts, it's the motion of the ocean
←Rate | 10-19-2009 17:12 by Marco van Hornblower Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:55 by E Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hopes that after I die, people will say of me: "Man... that guy sure owed me a lot of money."
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:52 by E Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:42 by E Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hopes this Halloween, he doesn't end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 14:23 by E Comments (0)  

   messageicon Silly Balloon Boy Dad. The only way you can get away with lying to the American people and toying with their emotions is to be a politician.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 11:31 by Monica Comments (0)  

   messageicon .ʇı ʎuǝp oʇ ʎɹʇ ʇ,uop .ʍou ʇɥbıɹ ʎɐʍɐ puıɯ ɹnoʎ buıʍo1q
←Rate | 10-19-2009 10:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon my children are ARE well behaved!! everyone just has high standards
←Rate | 10-19-2009 09:18 by rob Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Reality Check bounced.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 02:40 by mommy22699 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
←Rate | 10-19-2009 02:37 by mommy22699 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
←Rate | 10-19-2009 02:36 by mommy22699 Comments (0)  

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