Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I never thought I would live to see the day that someone made a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group...
←Rate | 12-18-2009 21:45 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 21:35 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon you have the voice of angel, you sound like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 17:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As of today, Facebook staff will be allowed to eat your children and pets. To turn this option off, go to Settings > Privacy > Meals. Click the top button to not feed the employees of Facebook anything. Copy this to your status to warn your friends.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 17:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Electricians even know that there are "male" connectors and "female" connectors on wiring and such. You can try plugging "male" to "male" or "female" to "female", but it's a ludicrous effort.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't matter... golf is still boring.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 13:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks the armed forces needs to enlist ninjas..who's ever looking for a ninja?
←Rate | 12-18-2009 10:52 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon sorry 2009 but I'm going to have to file a restraining order on you. You're going to have to stay at least 365 days away from me. You caused to many problems.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 09:22 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if Cash4Gold would give me money for a bottle of Goldschlager!
←Rate | 12-18-2009 09:06 by Lionel Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet in the middle, that starts with a C and ends in a T? A coconut silly.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wmen get their belly button pierced cause its a good place to hang the air freshner.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 09:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Latest porn releases: Shaving Private Ryan, Position Impossible, As Big As It Gets, Forest Hump, Riding Miss Daisy, Starwhores and Pornocchio.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 08:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Im starting to believe that PMS stands for - penis must suffer :(
←Rate | 12-18-2009 08:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon there are 70 ways to make a woman happy: No.1 is shopping & the rest is '69'. Its that simple! :)
←Rate | 12-18-2009 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if climate summits could be the cure for the dreaded swine flu. The epidemic seems to have totally disappeared since Copenhagen started...
←Rate | 12-18-2009 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So the baby was watching Dora The Explorer today. For some reason, they were making donkey noises. My first thought was Dora had been deported and was now in Tijuana doing a "show" with a donkey! Glad I was wrong.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 01:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..
←Rate | 12-17-2009 23:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not a flinstone but i'll make your bed rock
←Rate | 12-17-2009 23:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon down at Fraggle Rock!!
←Rate | 12-17-2009 22:41 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks Christmas must be near. Just found a partridge in one of the pear trees on Farmtown
←Rate | 12-17-2009 18:51 Comments (0)  

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