Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5660 of 5818

   messageicon I want a red rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing which tells time built right in the stock.
←Rate | 12-23-2009 22:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon airing of grievances and the demonstration of feats of strength started TODAY you moron! if you're going to TRY to be funny atleast be accurate! D-BAG
←Rate | 12-23-2009 22:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon super glued Al Gore's mouth in an effort to prevent further global warming
←Rate | 12-23-2009 22:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon asked Santa Claus for a boyfriend this Christmas... He gave me a rain check instead... lol :)
←Rate | 12-23-2009 18:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon looking forward to the family tradition of listening to the UK's No 1 after Xmas dinner. Can't wait to see the look on my mum's face!
←Rate | 12-23-2009 17:32 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't need to go to the gym, he gets enough exercises by pushing his luck, jumping into conclusions and letting his mind run wild!!!
←Rate | 12-23-2009 16:22 by Mduduzi Gama Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Santa, Define Good. Love X
←Rate | 12-23-2009 14:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon read a Chinese newspaper at lunch. After I was done, I felt the need to read another newspaper.
←Rate | 12-23-2009 12:14 by marymc Comments (0)  

   messageicon the airing of grievances and the demonstration of feats of strength will begin exactly at 8.00 p.m tommorrow...........dont forget to shine your pole..........
←Rate | 12-23-2009 11:53 by bobhead25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Washington D.C. got a ton of snow last weekend. When it snows hard enough in D.C., the city shuts down and Congress can't get anything done. You know, sort of like when it's not snowing.
←Rate | 12-23-2009 11:16 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon in 2013 i'm gonna watch 2012 and laugh
←Rate | 12-23-2009 09:39 by becca :) Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to remind you that we only have to be good for one more day.
←Rate | 12-23-2009 08:13 by Bil_Keane Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your get your ugly yellow no good kester off my property, before I pump your gust full of led 1....2.... 10
←Rate | 12-23-2009 08:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To America's welfare recipients..."your welcome for a great year and a free Christmas"...from the rest of us hard working Americans that work for hard your well being every day.  
←Rate | 12-23-2009 02:44 Comments (1)  

   messageicon i wonder why, I never wondered why the easiest things are so hard
←Rate | 12-23-2009 01:09 by aqua-matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon that if you were pots and pans, he'd bang you on New Year's Eve.
←Rate | 12-23-2009 01:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just accidentally dropped a bowling ball on my bed and my wine glass fell over. I wish I had Tempur-pedic bed
←Rate | 12-22-2009 23:08 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just left Walmart, to get out of there, I had to strangle 6 moms, run over 12 kids, and kick 1 grandma in a scooter. There goes my present from Santa.
←Rate | 12-22-2009 22:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
←Rate | 12-22-2009 22:07 by mullerman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dont sweat the petty things, Pet the sweaty things
←Rate | 12-22-2009 20:46 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left