Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I'm bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
←Rate | 01-10-2010 22:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wearin glasses does'nt mean ur smart, it jus means you cant see...
←Rate | 01-10-2010 19:57 by sqqib Comments (0)  

   messageicon Costco: Go hungry leave happy
←Rate | 01-10-2010 18:53 by Fat Alec Comments (3)  

   messageicon Two wrongs doesnt make a right...but three rights make a left.
←Rate | 01-10-2010 18:33 by sqqib Comments (0)  

   messageicon FOR SALE: straw house and stick house. Both in need of renovation. Apply brick house. No wolves.....
←Rate | 01-10-2010 17:15 by chunk!!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why does his wife insist on watching shows in standard def when we have the high def equivilent on our cable system?
←Rate | 01-10-2010 15:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles for "American Idol," his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves. Cowel described the thieves as "amateurish and uninspired."
←Rate | 01-10-2010 14:37 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon The probability of the bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet.
←Rate | 01-10-2010 13:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the mcdonalds parking lot banging your girlfriend.
←Rate | 01-10-2010 12:23 by Anthony Comments (0)  

   messageicon the world may be falling apart around you, but as long as you're wearing Miley Cyrus merchandise you'll be alright.
←Rate | 01-10-2010 11:37 by Tyler Comments (0)  

   messageicon those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter
←Rate | 01-10-2010 11:10 by fefe Comments (0)  

   messageicon So far this year, my hindsight is only 20/10.
←Rate | 01-10-2010 04:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just busted my Gold Fish smoking seaweed. No wonder he was always hungry and paranoid.
←Rate | 01-10-2010 00:35 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you replaced every time you read, wand, in a Harry Potter book, with the word Willy, the hilarity is immense.
←Rate | 01-09-2010 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mr. Howell's and Gingers' love child
←Rate | 01-09-2010 23:01 by lexman Comments (0)  

   messageicon did you know racecar spelled backwards is racecar
←Rate | 01-09-2010 22:36 by shippy Comments (0)  

   messageicon So here we are at the beginning of a new year. After spending this past week reflecting on 2009, I've discovered that I was right 98% of the time, so I'm not really concerned with the other 3% when I was mistaken
←Rate | 01-09-2010 21:15 by Spence Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..thinks some people here have the mentality of a retarded turtle. But it's nice to see that monkeys can actually type these days. I knew that £2 a month I was donating towards the RSPCA would come to some good. Keyboard monkeys. Who'da thunk it?
←Rate | 01-09-2010 20:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon all of this sub-zero whether is putting a damper on my flag pole licking
←Rate | 01-09-2010 19:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon watering a fake plant
←Rate | 01-09-2010 19:30 Comments (0)  

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