Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon wonders...if NASA sends a pregnant woman into space and gives the baby an alien?
←Rate | 03-01-2010 18:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gravity always gets me down...
←Rate | 03-01-2010 18:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't try to understand everything.. because sometimes it is not meant to be understood... but rather to be accepted...
←Rate | 03-01-2010 18:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Since I'm now single, if I broke my hand could I put "it's complicated" as my relationship status?

   messageicon thinks life is pleasant, death is peacefull... it's the transition that is troublesome.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 17:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon A girl broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution??? I sent them to her dad.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 17:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup; the best part is remembering the name of the person sleeping next to you.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 17:22 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying my girlfriend is thick, but we had a gas leak and she put a bucket under it.....
←Rate | 03-01-2010 16:27 by Y.P Comments (0)  

   messageicon I far too sleep deprived, my hemorrhoids are flaring up, my farts smell minty, and these Mentos taste like glycerin. What's going on?
←Rate | 03-01-2010 15:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just passed up an invite from the USA hockey team, to bring the gold in 2014. After checking my calendar, I have a hair cut appointment that conflicts.....Dammit!
←Rate | 03-01-2010 15:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon when I die at my funeral I want to be dressed like I was when I was born , butt naked !!! open bar for the lads , open coffin for the ladies !!
←Rate | 03-01-2010 14:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Selling his soul for a bag of skittles.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looks good on the dance floor, dancing to electro pop like a robot from 1984
←Rate | 03-01-2010 14:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now that the Winter Olympics are over, the rest of the world can go back to forgetting that Canada even Luxembourg. Remember them either? Nope.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 13:21 Comments (4)  

   messageicon I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 13:05 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...just got back from embarrassing himself in front of the Queen. She really doesn't have any idea what a "tea bag" is, and now I'm not allowed withing 1,000 meters of her...
←Rate | 03-01-2010 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canada sure has some "NICE BEAVER"
←Rate | 03-01-2010 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon you know, i've only ever been wrong once in my life, and that's when I thought I was wrong but was actually right.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 11:20 by Kobrah Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to find a woman but then has a beer and a nap and it makes everything right again
←Rate | 03-01-2010 11:17 by Kobrah Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard Chile got hit by an earthquake. I had some chili the other day that hit me pretty hard, probably not an 8.8, but it was close.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 11:06 Comments (0)  

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