Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5640 of 5772

   messageicon learned that the best gift of chirstmas is seeing the disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Channel X Is Temporarily Not In Service. Please Tune In To Your Own Life For Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 12:00 by fefe Comments (0)  

   messageicon didn't come to be loved, he came to be hated. From the root to the fruit.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 11:49 by fefe Comments (0)  

   messageicon : eanie, meanie, minie, moe, caught a Tiger with his ho.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 11:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon he was once know as Tiger, now he will be known as Cheetah..u play & you pay, new prenup with a swingers clause since Tiger will never be satisfied with a hole in one....
←Rate | 12-04-2009 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon my goal is to stop drinking, smoking and swearing, holy#$#% my cigarette just fell into my wine. gotta go
←Rate | 12-04-2009 11:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Think about it If there where no men in the world there would be no crime, but all women would be happy, and Fat!
←Rate | 12-04-2009 10:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the best part of you ran down your mothers leg
←Rate | 12-04-2009 10:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cheer up, The worst is yet to come!
←Rate | 12-04-2009 08:54 by Liam Comments (0)  

   messageicon All in all, this is just another... post on my wall
←Rate | 12-04-2009 08:40 by kristi r Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."
←Rate | 12-04-2009 08:20 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Was told I am a naive realist...from what I can see they are wrong
←Rate | 12-04-2009 06:28 by Loki54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon MERRY XMAS EVERYONE (Yes I know it's a bit early, but I thought I'd start with you miserable and argumentative plebs first!)
←Rate | 12-04-2009 05:29 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon has found an artificial leg on a bus and is going to give it to his wife as a Xmas present. It should make the ideal stocking filler!
←Rate | 12-04-2009 05:23 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 02:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think what I want most out of life is to die in my 90's owing a s**t load of money and shot by a jealous husband.
←Rate | 12-03-2009 23:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hate it when I get stupid fortunes from a fortune cookie. I feel like I got cheated!
←Rate | 12-03-2009 22:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you tell the don't have to have a good memory.
←Rate | 12-03-2009 22:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon went into a elementary school and told the kids santa isnt real
←Rate | 12-03-2009 22:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon cant wear skinny jeans because my rolls wont fit
←Rate | 12-03-2009 21:59 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left