Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING NEWS Charlie Sheen is upset because someone one else is weining

   Why do fat people wear so much perfume, it hides body odor, not fat.

   What do you call a one leeged Japanese woman Wait for it ...... Irene !!!

   Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

   coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

   I'm not sexist, I'm sexiest, and if I am sexist, then I'm the sexiest sexist.

   Wonders if a cow from china would understand a cow from the US or do they moo different languages?

   I Can't find my phone! Could you call it? Oh wait, it was only in my pocket.. haha got you're Number!"

   I wish I could dance like a black guy. Or have epilepsy. Either way.

   Fat chicks always wanna say "Let me sit on your face". B*tch thats premeditated murder.

   Things happen for no reason. This is why people invent gods.

   I say tomato, you say tomato. hahahahaha I know your laughing right now cuz you totally just read this with two pronunciations... lol

   wants to be a millionaire.

   How have Christians not used the "dinosaurs died off because they were all gay" argument yet?

   frickin awesome! 'Nough Said.

   melting in your mouth not in your hands

   (630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

   I don't always drink beer but when I do, I play good beer pong

   thinks people who end sentences with prepositions should knock it off.

   says "Water Under the Bridge should stay under the Bridge!"