Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you understand morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. JJ

   Just because your neighbors aren't on vacation doesn't mean you still can't go through their mail.

   Whether we want to admit it or not, cheaters always win. That's the whole point of cheating. If people who cheat couldn't win, then no one would ever cheat.

   EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL...except everyone that is ugly

   That feeling you get when you know whats going to happen at the end of a scary movie but yet you still bite your nails through out the movie

   if this is what hell is with weather in Chicago, than I am repenting as we speak!

   has been on so many blind dates I should get a free guide dog!

   why is it that whenever I make a peanut butter sandwich, the whole house starts smelling like peanut butter?

   I just laugh at all the things that say they are 3-D ready. Alchol has been 3-D ready for 200 years!

   Apple currently has more money on their balance sheet than the Federal Government........

   Some guys make me want to roundhouse kick them in the nutz.

   Apparently Facebook will not accept "Macho Man" as my middle name... DISLIKE!

   wathing 'The Good Girl'. So far there isn't anything "good" about this girl.

   so Irish he bleeds whiskey.

   nt it strange how hot sexy women always drive cute little car? Which reminds me the m.o.t due on the wife's transit

   Today's Motto: You can't drink all day unless you start in the morning! Bottoms up, America.

   if you need a quick ego boost.... watch an episode or 2 of intervention on A&E... I feel great now!

   I ring bells randomly so that the Angels getting their Wings will be taken by surprise. Sometimes I ring 10 bells at once and wonder how chaotic it must be!

   now interactive on facebook. If you move your arrow keys on the keyboard it controlls my left ear. Have fun!

   I've learned that if you say you're a bad liar, you can pretty much lie about anything.