Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If you see any grown man with beads at the end of his braids, please knock his azz TF out 
Parents: You can help fight childhood obesity by stop feeding your child, fatty foods!!
They say heavy Cell phone use causes brain cancer. Fellas this is a great excuse when she ask why you ain't pick up
“I changed. People change.” - Michael Jackson
I tried it & it worked! It gived me your mothers address
When you stop looking thru the distorted mirror held up for you in this world- it provides a measure of clarity which is refreshing! But the downside is you actually see how; distasteful, counterfeit, society is currently... objectively determined values
could someone please tell me whats stopping mcdonalds from selling hotdogs? mcweenies would be mcawesome
Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.
Sex bruises are good bruises!
Here's my cup of care \_/ Oh look. It's empty.
A cop pulled me over and said "I need your license, I need your insurance and I need your registration!" I said "What about ME & my NEEDS!?"
It's fitting to have Wrestlemania on April Fools Day..
I still hate peeps
Whenever I have a truck driver call me asking for directions I just start making sh*t up. I still wonder if that guy ever found Kaka Street.
Tweakers tend to use Five Hour Energy's dirty cousin, Five Inch Line Energy.
I always eat at McDonald's when they do the Monopoly pieces. 1 in 4 wins obesity.
The correct measurement of toilette paper is from the dispenser to the floor for two-ply, and dispenser to the floor with a half turn for single.
Forget Beniffer & Brangelina! The new power couple in Hollywood is Peeta & Katniss from The Hunger Games! Or Peeniss for short.
painted my trash cans to look like minature buildings so if my neighbors do the same our street will look like a tiny city on trash day
It's really annoying when you want to talk to someone, but you have a feeling that they don't want to talk to you. 