Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   - Justin AmatterofsecondswasknownworldwidetobeacompletedoucheBieber.

   named his dog Egypt cause he leave pyramids all around the house.

   OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

   What the f**k's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me

   Why do people look up when they think?

   thinks the Winter Olympics would be a lot more interesting if they gave the spectators shotguns and told them to shoot at the skiers! There'd be more speed records that's for darn sure.

   took my son for his swimming lesson and he said `i need a wee` , I said after looking around `sssshhhhh just do it in the water` .... and he did , trouble is he was standing at the pools edge !!

   : After today's announcement, Ricky Martin has also announced he will be pulling out (no pun intended) his No1 Hit Single off the shelves and re-release it as "He Bangs"

   Benefits of eating dinner while the TV is off: 1. Hearing everyone chew. 2 Hearing the repressed burps, 3, Hearing the "silent" burps.

   And another reason NASCAR sucks....A driver can go the entire season, including "The Chase" portion without winning a race and still with the championship. Lame!

   I admit that condoms protect me from STDs, AIDS and Herpes but sometimes I feel they take their job way too seriously and too far by also protecting me from maximum pleasure!

   There is never a GOOD way to say BYE.

   Whenever I ride the the bus I always sit with my eyes closed. I hate seeing pregnant, crippled & old women having to stand.

   Jaden and Justin what a cute couple , One looks like a retarded version of Usher and other one looks like a lesibian looking Alice in Wonderland!!!

   Amid new revelations that Hillary's private email server was located in a restroom, investigation is underway how it was wiped clean.

   I bought an L shaped couch, the sales rep said it was on sale because the L was lower case. I was ok with that.

   Statistics show that 50% of people get tattoes solely for the purpose of diverting attention from their ugliness.

   it aint about obama its about yo mama

   Trump: We all have that one special person whose presence just instantaneously angers us.

   ATTENTION: Miley Cyrus is worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. She probably doesn't care what we think of her.