Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think the grammatically correct way to describe my current Christmas disposition would have to be "present tense".

   If I had it my way my ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future would be Raquel Welch, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Alba.

   My girlfriend complains that I don't tell her how much I love her. I don't want to upset her.

   sounds like plasticmortal got to have their very first beer... f new years eve...

   going to attempt to quad boot.... (Windows 7,OSX snow lepord, Ubuntu 10.04 and Chrome OS!) ...my poor laptop... I will format you back to just windows soon...

   If George Washington never told a lie...then how did he get elected?

   went three doors down & fell into a puddle of mudd...had to tie a slipknot to get out>>

   Why were hurricanes normally named after women?Because when they come they are wet and wild.But when they do they take your house & car with them ;-)

   likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."

   To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness...

   What is the difference between the English soccer team and an albatross? An albatross has 2 good wings.

   next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!

   What's my favorite animal? A Grey Goose duh,,

   Part-time christians are out in full force being a Sunday and all.

   Froget Punxsutawney, I'm predicting March 21st.

   when it Snows everyone gives a bit of advice ... 'Don't eat yellow Snow' .... I would further advise to avoid eating BROWN SNOW.

   I think its so cheesey when people get all mushy & lovey dovey with their facebook status... on another note~ my boyfriend is the best, he is cute, sweet, sexy, handsome, makes me laugh, has the sexiest voice, makes me smile everyday

   Michael jackson died 1day before the BET AWARDS....Amy Whinehouse died 1day before the VMA'S and whitney houston died 1day before the GRAMMYs...so are we Expected to expect more pre award and post award deaths?!

   A mosquito fell into my beer five minutes ago and now he's naked and calling his ex-girlfriends and drinking my beer

   Be England what she will,with all her faults she's my country still. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life. HAPPY ST GEORGE's DAY