Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5138 of 6369
Facebook asks me what I'm thinking... Twitter asks what I'm doing... 4Square asks where I am. Conclusion: The internet is my girlfriend.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet & rub up & down. Yep that's how you wash a cup...
If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.
I often put laxatives in my dishwasher to help relax my bowls.
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02-22-2011 15:43
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1) Go to Google Translate 2) Type in “Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty” 3) Translate: English to Vietnamese 4) Copy & paste the Vietnamese words back into translator 5) Translate: Vietnamese to English 6) Laugh Uncontrollably!!
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02-22-2011 15:24 by Vitamin N
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if you break a sweat walking to the buffet, maybe you don't need another plate...
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02-22-2011 15:10
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Finding out someone still used dial-up is like finding out they had a recent death in the family. "You gotta see this video.. you.. oh, god man, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"
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02-22-2011 15:03 by MyClueIs
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If after sex, you have said, “you couldn't imagine me being someone else either eh?”….seek help….
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02-22-2011 14:32 by M.A.C.
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thinks Twitter spoils us... if only we could limit people in real life to 140 characters or less.
"I ain't even trying to wave at you, I've got better things to do with my hands" oh bad girls club you never cease to entertain
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02-22-2011 13:48 by Rachael
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Two guys walk into a bar ...... the third one ducked.
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02-22-2011 13:11 by Speed
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Feb 22 - National Margarita Day. Why is this not also a Federal Holiday?
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02-22-2011 12:54
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Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
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02-22-2011 11:21 by Charlie
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How am I supposed to be inpressed by a computer winning at Jeopardy when Google usually knows what I'm looking for after 2 letters?
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02-22-2011 11:02 by MyClueIs
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Putting a loud muffler on your car is like putting a rolled up sock in your pants; You're trying to make something seem bigger than it really is.
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02-22-2011 10:54 by MyClueIs
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If aliens learn about us from our TV broadcasts then they'll come here expecting 90% of the population to work in hospitals or be in law enforcement.
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02-22-2011 10:27 by MyClueIs
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Driving home late, uncomfortable, cold, music blaring: About to fall asleep. Finally home, comfortable, quiet, in bed: Wide awake and posting on facebook.
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02-22-2011 10:06 by MyClueIs
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On my third cup of coffee and the day is looking real good. I think its going to be a great day. Did I mention its going to be a fantastic day.......
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02-22-2011 09:13 by Rick H.
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There is not a worse feeling in the world than being at the Dentist when he has to use the restroom, you hear the toilet flush, you hear the Lysol spray- You don't hear the hands being washed….
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02-22-2011 08:55 by SEAN
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Goodbye Mr Coffee. Hello Mr Southern Comfort.
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02-22-2011 08:53
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