love Funny Status Messages

   .not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every retard can read, but look at you go!

   Dear nose-phobic as*holes who made fun of me when I was a kid. Over the years, I have made almost nine figures in royalties from my TV special - while YOU clowns were strapped to the hood of some dude's truck. Karma's a b*tch. Love, Rudolph

   Fuzzy, shaved, hairy, landing strip, brazilian, I love them all..

   Do I really have to explain why I love you? Okay fine. I love you because you give good head.

   Everyone's like "I love Obama" or "I love Romney" and I'm just over here like "I love whiskey and beer"

   It's always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing domino's"

   Oww a dorito just stabbed the roof of my mouth...how could something I love so much hurt me like this.

   For the love of God, ASK me, don't AXE me!

   Dear Women, We're not lying, we're trying to prevent you from killing us. Love, Men

   Sometimes I wish I could be like Jeff Probst from Survivor. I'd love to walk into a Shift Briefing at work and say,"The Tribe Has Spoken"!!! Then walk over and extinguish their torch and tell them to pack their belongings and get the @#$% out!!!

   Love is blind. It's also drunk, has a wooden leg, Tourette's, a crippling fear of heights & if you poke it with a stick it plays dead.

   Thank you, flowers, for being the perfect way to say, "My love for you is beautiful but will die very soon."

   whats the difference between love & a sandwich? I'm great at making a sandwich

   Valentine's Day : Because love isn't quite complicated enough as it is....

   Love is like a glass door… Sometimes you don't see it and it smacks you right in the face.

   Love is like a rubberband. We keep pulling, someone lets go and the one who held on gets hurt

   if you want to make me nervous, tell me that you love me.

   No thanks "Love Quotes" account. I get all my love quotes from P0rnHub.

   How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

   What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spit, swallow, and gargle.