Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thinking rename the Weather Channel: " We are not even close about the weather Weather Channel"

   Now lookie here, you big, orange, Moby D*ck!

   I'm gonna check out The Social Network, except I'm not gonna actually watch the movie. I'm gonna just check out everybody while they are watching the movie.

   I'm gonna keep poking you until you bruise.

   I get my energy from my inner-G

   When he says "We could be friends".. I feel like replying " We COULD be rare specimen of an exotic breed of dancing african elephants, But we are not... Atleast, I'M not !!

   Pointing And LOLing, At Kids Falling Off Their New RipStik They Got For Christmas.

   Everybody got snow blowers...Me all I got is man power a shovel.You wont see me in the gym gettin ready for Summer.

   reading other statuses but your status is important to him. Please stay online and your status will be read in priority sequence. Approximate wait time 17 min

   wondering why most people begin to hide their friends list in facebook!

   For an old white guy the colonel makes some good ass chicken.

   Making $ is easy. Press shift+4.

   finds it ironic that I have to get out of bed on humpday.

   I don't know much about American sports. But from what I gather the New York Hurricanes are doing well.

   It's finally here in a few hours America will finally find out the winner.............. between the pistons and the nuggets.

   There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients

   John Gruden took my 4th grade picture to his Great Clips stylist.

   Winners in Arizona and Missouri. The Arizona winner will blow it all on skin lotion, and the Missouri winner will blow it all on having someone prove to them that they actually won.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when you're told to "get your own sandwich".

   your head is so big.......you don't have dreams, you have movies.