Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I wish my grass was Emo, so it would cut itself. 
this chick 'Beyonce' lost her phone today She said its on silent. I was like, "If you liked it then you shouldve put a ring on it!"
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing.. they just WAVED...Do you SEA what I did there?...I'm SHORE you did, BEACH. :)
Who goes clubbing in tight jeans with no underwear and forgets to do his fly up? I'm that guy
what goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives you a warm satisfaction?...a teabag
Potatoes have skin, you have skin. Therefore you are a potato.
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak
single for Valentine's again this year. I think my skin is the wrong color...women seem to like diamond skin now a days.
Catholic." ... ... ... He says, "Yes, I'm single & Catholic!" The nun kisses the driver then asks why he is crying. I lied. I must confess I'm married & I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin & I'm going to a Halloween party!"
ok, so what do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh!
RT @latinjns Jeremiah 28:11 He has a plan for your life, trust him to lead and guide you.....//Yes Lord!
Says she disagree with Kay Jewelers. She would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than Kay.
If I break up with you Why say I wont find anyone else like you If I wanted someone like you I wouldnt Break up with you
Why does Walmart make their prices on food so cheap then charge an extra 2 bucks for extended sizes? I guess they are getting their money one way or another!
Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.
come here girl,you trust me dont you ?"yes",good,now close your eyes and smile like a donut .
still a virgin, but this is an old status
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and then suddenly... She's not your friend anymore.
Sorry Romney lost, imagine all those moron joke we coulf have done..... sorry mormon.
James Gandolfini is dead of a heart attack and Dick Cheney is alive and well. So go ahead and remove "karma" from the dictionary. 