Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If God had wanted Mexicans to rule the world he wouldn't have invented Tequila ~ Happy Cinco De Mayo

   likes to go to the local pet store, find the most innocent looking clerk and ask "where are all the bi*-ches at?"

   Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life!!!!

   gonna party like it's 1929.

   thinks "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits

   i might have a piece of sh*t, but I drive it like its nice :)

   I bought my ex a pen for her birthday once. I should have got a better one though, she kept getting out. :(

   Anyone else see FB Bugs?! ̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨They drive you crazy and you can't wıpe them off your screen!!

   Just learned my (now broken) phone is NOT a transformer... Evidently, "Airplane mode" doesn't mean $H!^...

   ♥ LOVE always has it`s ``ERRORS`` sometimes we try 2 ``REFRESH`` then realyize it`s best 2 b ``SHUTDOWN`` but the hardest part is 2 ``RESTART`` your life and ``REFORMAT`` your HEART ♥

   Confucious say, "Women's panties not best thing in life, but next to best thing in life."

   Confucious say , he who eat jelly bean, fart in living color.

   I hope Al Quaeda don't start putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup If one explodes......it could spell disaster.

   Looking at a hot woman and thinking, ‘The things I would do to you.'

   MAN RULE 105: Real men don't blow bubbles with bubble gum.

   I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

   If you dont like me remember its mind over matter, I dont mind and you dont matter

   "If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?"

   In the car: Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? ....

   If I could do it all over again. I would have kids and raise them in an Amish Community and make them believe that it is the year 1693. Then when they are 16, I'm going to tell them I've invented a 'Time Machine', and I will send them into the 'future'