Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5051 of 6370
Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right
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03-18-2011 20:13
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imagine if you got all the way home from the grocery store and realized you left sumpthing in the cart? then you gotta go ALL the way back to get yur kid? ugg that really bite
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03-18-2011 19:23
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Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got
If youre cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
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03-18-2011 17:06
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Obama Nation sounds like Abomination coincidence hmmmmm……
I found out I have CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be
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03-18-2011 13:36 by SEAN
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People please!! It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new, glowing, ticking kind of world..
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03-18-2011 13:30 by timboss
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Saint Patrick was born in Britain under Roman rule. He was captured by Irish pirates and forced to be a slave.
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03-18-2011 13:13
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Your Fat! and I'm not gonna sugar coat it cause you will eat that too!!!
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03-18-2011 12:55
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Why are there laws against texting while driving and drinking while driving... but not texting while drinking?
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03-18-2011 12:50
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my oven doesn't need a self-cleaning mode; my *bathroom* needs a self-cleaning mode.
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03-18-2011 11:00 by CS
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I'm pretending to be hungover today, so nobody at work gets the wrong impression of me...the last thing I want to be labled is a responsible adult...
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03-18-2011 10:06 by M.A.C.
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happy green vomit day!
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03-18-2011 09:40 by levon
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wondering how the first prostate exam went..."hold on, you want to stick your finger where?!"
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03-18-2011 09:30
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Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to see a drug commercial that says, "May cause extreme awesomeness."
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03-18-2011 09:00 by flinnie
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St. Patrick 1 - me 0
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03-18-2011 08:53 by kingtut
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I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to walk away from, and some I would love to punch in the face
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03-18-2011 08:20
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125 shot of nitrous is like a hot chick with STD's.... You know you wanna hit it but your afraid of the consequences!
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03-18-2011 07:30 by Lozo
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I ate some green cheese yesterday, thinking it was green for St Patricks day. Turns out it was just really bad cheese! I've been sitting on this toilet for 14 hours.
Some times the only way to win is to not suck at the game.
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03-18-2011 05:55
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