Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
loves selling stuff on the internet to people who don't know him ...he's already sold the same homing pigeon 24 times on eBay. 
#43210 I don't really even know who you are. You friend requested me and we know some of the same people- unless you really don't know them either. but you seem nice enough, I suppose.
welcome to the Dark Side. Are you surprised that we don't have cookies?
Labor Day marks the beginning of the NFL and college football seasons. Nascar holds the Southern 500. Labor Day marks the last days of Summer. In 2010, the Holiday was cancelled because too many people couldn't remember what it meant to have a job :)
some times the same way a guy does not cherish a good girl a girl does not cherish a good guy.
and THAT is how the firecracker got in my pants doctor
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Hold on to your shovels, its going to be a long winter!!
just came back home and found Santa in his mouse trap... My cheese was all gone, but at least the milk and cookies were safe.
Should've Driven to New York in my Toyota to see Puxotony Phil
doing research to come up with a vaccine for stupidity. Please donate accordingly.
Today's subliminal message is . . .
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
John Mellencamp was a visionary because he knew that Cougar in 2010 would have a very different meaning
more nervous than a ceiling fan salesman with a toupe.
has anyone ever looked at a Jeopardy contestant and said to yourself, "Hey, I bet that person would be fun to hangout with."
Realized there is a fine line between a true friend and a fake, two faced back stabber who cares only about his/her self.
Sugar daddy: Like a genie - he may be a little old, but if a girl rubs his lamp, he'll grant her wishes.
The early bird may get the worm.... But the second mouse gets the cheese....
I want to learn the Vietnamese language so I can sit here and understand the ladies doing pedicures. Between their tone and their giggles, I know they're talking Sh*t!! 