Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think people must start requesting some sort of C.V or background profile on paper before engaging into relationships, would be advantages to know things like ful service history, Mileage, accurate shoe size and of cause HIV statuses

   Creating creative statuses is one of the many habits of highly effective people!

   "We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated."

   Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson should get hitched... Just sayin.

   Toward no crimes have men shown themselves so cold- bloodedly cruel as in punishing differences of belief.

   The statement to th right is true..the statment to the left is false

   I am going to come out with a personal credit card reader and call it the "As swipe"

   Congratulations! You have just won 100,000,000 dollars in the mobile draw reply with full name, D.O.B, address etc. to claim your price. By courtesy of the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe.

   When a cop pulls you over for doing 32 in a 30, I dont advise calling him a Nazi, unless you are looking for 3 square meals a day and a shower, fml

   Even though they so many people die because of alcohol, you never think about how many of them are born because of it.

   They call them "pizza rolls" because"pizza love handles" was too wordy.

   I wonder if I ask too many hypothetical questions?

   Went to a Real life party and I knew everybody there. Went to a Facebook party and saw most of my friends. Went to a Twitter party and didn't know anybody there. Went to a Myspace party and I was the only one there.

   Same old same old __ I frikkin' love weekends :D __ you're welcome!!!

   Just left Disney resort to Orlando airport on the Disney's magical express.. Yeah right the magic here is the break I will have on my mastercard

   If my computer had a neck id punch it in the neck!

   For those of you who won't be joining us in Heaven tomorrow but going to the other place below, Pauly Shore will be the guest on The View.

   The awkward moment when you wake up and your house is gone

   I always thought Lance Armstrong was caught doping years ago and we all decided to just be cool with it...

   You'll never get over me... and you won't be getting under me either!