Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm not so much offended by what Megyn Kelly says, but I'm offended that someone so dumb and foolish has her own TV show.

   did anyone else besides me use a brown marker to draw nipples on the neighborhood girls Barbies when they were kids?

   Willy Wonka is put on death row. Requests Everlasting Gobstopper as final meal.....LOL, Lives forever.

   Welcome to taco bell may I take your order? "... I'd like 2 tancos, a enchilanto, a brampino, a grondalito, and a small spripe,,, thanks"

   Hey America and Canadians, the entire world already saw Miss Universe pageant. You people have to wait until 9 pm to watch how Miss Venezuela wins.

   Use yes and no once. 1) Are you gay?:_____ 2) Are you lying?:_____

   The Green Gay Fudge Packers are going down on Sunday!

   Maybe NYPD can use their new found love for back turning, the next time they see a dark skin person doing nothing wrong.

   America: Elect a clown, expect a circus.

   panicking at the disco

   The CDC says you should start using your turn signals.

   I always wondered why dinosaurs are not mentioned in the bible, the dinosaurs were around before man created god.

   Kisses are like real estate …. Location Location Location

   a PC

   Dear Obama, Just a question… if I somehow am able to sneak into the White House (Illegally)… and I am wearing my normal day to day clothes, looking suspicious... Is it fair to assume that I won't be asked for my crudentials as long as I'm good?

   I am at DEFCON 5. My espresson machine has died..........

   those Walgreens shots...not what I expected...

   Apparently asking if there's a fitting room at Condom Sense is frowned upon.

   Rub her the wrong way and she'll scream AT you. Rub her the right way and she'll scream FOR you!

   Self esteem doesn't come from a bottle. Of course not, you pour it into a glass.