Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're wondering why the COVID-19 rate is do low in Germany and high in the USA, it's because Germany's president used to be a quantum chemist and the USA's president used to be a reality television host.

   A lot of sports teams are called 'The Devils'... if I had a sports team I would call it 'The Jesus Christ Almighties'

   an unlicensed helicopter pilot.

   According to Catholics beliefs, when a Pope dies, he has to perform two miracles from the grave so that he can be considered a SAINT. And you say religion is not DUMB.

   I would love to see things your way, but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my butt.

   Patroits must have been in charge of the commercials this year, cuz THEY SUCKED!

   Does anyone else think that all illegal immigrants should be given a Toyota to drive back across the border?? ;)

   making a sex tape and shooting up heroin with Miley Cyrus

   Oh, so you're religious? *backs away slowly*

   rick Perry...texas has a Republicam Governor running for president that seems like an idiot...this sounds familiar lol

   How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints

   man sent to hospital after finding 6 plastic horses up his arse.....his condition is stable

   That night in september 1945 if Mary Ann had only told Fred she had a headache, we all would be better off today.

   Q: What do you call a Packers fan holding a bottle of champagne after the Super Bowl? A: Waiter.

   Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

   Casey Anthony must be a slut, it took 12 people to get her off..

   It was so hot today I had to stick my head in the oven just to cool off...

   Found my halloween costume and I'm  trying it out by walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper 

   Obama is proposing a dress code for America so no one offends each other

   When I get an unlike under my stuff, I assume people’d had laughed so hard that had pressed the unlike button accidentally.