Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Jesus, what’s up bro. Please don’t let Ben Affleck mess up Batman. Please dude. I need this. Oh, and like peace in Syria or whatever.

   The most impressive miracle Jesus performed in the Bible was how he just went from 12 to 30 years without anyone noticing.

   SCIENTISTS Have Revealed Today That They Have Found A New Drug For DEPRESSED LESBIANS...........It's Called " TRYDIXAGAIN " tee hee~

   "If ya can't beat them, kill 'em" -Tony Stewart

   56 yrs ago today Rosa Parks occupied a seat on a bus that she wasn't supposed to sit in because she was black. Her act continues to inspire.

   make love, not babies.

   if man evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys??

   You want to force people to stand for the flag? Please tell me more about this FREE country of yours?

   Everytime there is an awkward silence, a gay baby is born.

   Its interesting that Obama is visiting India for the very reason Indians go to US : JOBS!

   The other day Pope Benedict named five new saints to the Catholic Church. Some, however, are questioning whether Obama deserved it.

   Bought a pack of air the other day. Guess what... There were Chips inside

   I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.

   "has changed their status to ""drinking beer in the shower."" 9:03am"

   listed as in a relationship with his blackberry device...

   [You're choking]:---- I have two choices: Do I perform the Hiemlich Manuever or should I just stand there and pray for you?.........Science: 1 , Religion: -10

   obama even suxs more on thanksgiving....

   An Indian man dies and goes to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates,he meets an angel. Angel asks "Who are you here to see?". "Jesus!" the man replies. The angel then shouts "Jesus! Your taxi's here!".

   President Obama misunderstood that today is Flag Day. He thought it was Hag Day and took Helen Thomas out to lunch.

   The orange man tweets a meme of his golf ball hitting Hilary but cries like a lil spoilt brat when Alec Baldwin parody him on SNL. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it.