Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Cristiano Ronaldo's Spitting Mad at TV Camera after Portugal Exit".............dis shows what a loser he is ..............:P:P:P

   Knows the world will look up and shout “Save us!”… And he'll whisper “No.”

   Out came the sun & dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!

   I think it's hilarious people have profile pics up of them from 2 yrs ago. You do not look like that anymore, hunny. lol

   How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.

   Kate Middleton has asked the Queen for advice on her marriage and the Queen said "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."

   The key to a womens heart is... giving her all of yours! <3

   Today I was pulled over by a woman cop... I didn't know kitchens had speed limits

   I bet Carroll Shelby went from Alive to Dead in less than 10 seconds

   If it's a lady, I like to speak quickly in the drive-thru at Burger King by saying: "I have a Whopper!" When they ask: "what would you like on it?" YOU!

   Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status - after three times it should default to unstable

   Naked pic's of George Clooney.....crap this isn't Google

   “Are you asleep?” “No! I was in a comma, thanks for saving me."

   Unless you have health insurance and a college fund for it, owning a pet doesn't not make you a parent!!

   Soccer is a microcosm of the inhabitants of the countries who participate in it. A bunch of crazy animals running around with no objective purpose.

   You're saying, “Capital punishment shouldn't even be a debate. You deserve to be put to death if you take a life." You mean, you’ve never been wrongfully accused of doing something or the justice system is an angel.

   Trump has asked his senior advisors to figure out a way to combine his two favourite pastimes ... golf, and getting peed on by Russian call girls.

   So Obama likes surfing. That PROVES he's more in touch with his white side. Blacks are afraid of the water.

   '46' invites Dr. Seuss to White House breakfast; demands WH chef make a big plate of green eggs and ham.

   you know your a Packer Fan When Your Porch Collapses and it kills more than 5 dogs!!!