Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5003 of 6371
when I die my gravestone is going to have a "DisLike" button before facebook does!
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04-07-2011 10:26 by Seddy90
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when I die my gravestone is going to have a "Like" button.
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04-07-2011 09:31 by Likwid
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I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine!!! Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
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04-07-2011 08:38 by @clarkysj
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Was at Home Depot last night and I saw two Southwest Pilots looking for roofing material ....this can't be good!!
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04-07-2011 07:51 by McKibben
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There are the normal ( . )( . ), the silicone ( + )( + ), the perfect (o)(o) Some are cold (^)(^) and some belong to grandmothers \./\./ And let's not forget the very large (o why o), the very small (.)(.) and the asymmetrical (•)(.) We love them all!
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04-07-2011 07:44
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A woman in your arms, is worth two on the Net.
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04-07-2011 07:24 by zd
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All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars...
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04-07-2011 07:09 by Wayne G.
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If this had been a status update, the Attention Signal you just read would have been followed by official status, news or general BS. This concludes this test of the Emergency I Don't have a Status Update.
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04-07-2011 07:06
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I discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?".
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04-07-2011 06:35 by Kikora
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*Yawn* oh no… keep talking… I always YAWN when I'm interested….:)
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04-07-2011 05:01
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STOP whatever your doing, DROP the weed in the paper, ROLL a fatty
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04-07-2011 02:55
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Quote of the night. "Sex dolls are not meant for speed."
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04-07-2011 02:43 by ff1241
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It's a real shame that Justin Bieber never got to attend a sleepover at Michael Jackson's house
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04-07-2011 02:14
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what? I never said I didnt like you. I said "leave me alone, you make me wanna throw up"
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04-07-2011 01:32 by gee
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You see that box with the fb pictures by the top right corner? The day I see any of my friends pictures in it, I'm screwed.
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04-07-2011 01:16
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I feel like a ninja when I wish people happy birthday on Facebook at 12:01am
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04-07-2011 01:11 by ptv
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So April 7th is National Beer Day... I feel like I need to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.
So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.
I just witnessed a beer tub get carried away on a stretcher...
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04-07-2011 00:29 by Kyle
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Feeling like a slurpee? Go 4-7-11
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04-07-2011 00:19
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