father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-19-2015 17:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dad, you are like a father to me.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 02:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A home-made Father's Day gift from your kids seems nice until you remember kids in other countries make Air Jordans and iPhones.
←Rate | 06-10-2017 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any boy can be a dad but only a real man can be a father
←Rate | 08-25-2010 14:40 Comments (2)  

   messageicon One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.”
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy father day to the men in our lives that have made a diffrence when we didnt have one to be there.., our uncles, brothers, grandfathers teachers bosses,step dads...you didnt have to be there, but we were all grateful you were.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
←Rate | 06-21-2015 03:32 by DeeX Comments (0)  

   messageicon Little girl asked her father,do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?The father replied,No, some begin with - If elected I promise..
←Rate | 08-04-2010 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father taught me a lot of things, however, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a great dad. A close second is how to have a conversation with someone for a half an hour even though you can't remember their name or anything else
←Rate | 06-19-2011 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mick Jagger to be a father at 72. Names Keith Richards child's godfather to ensure the child is brought up right long after Mick's gone.
←Rate | 07-15-2016 16:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.
←Rate | 02-19-2009 16:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
←Rate | 06-27-2014 01:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!
←Rate | 06-17-2014 19:05 by Zack Comments (0)  

   messageicon The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
←Rate | 09-27-2011 00:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon He's really got his father's scalp.
←Rate | 04-29-2011 11:52 by Geoffrey B Comments (0)  

   messageicon What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.
←Rate | 06-21-2015 12:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your father never hugged you as a child then Rugby is the perfect sport for you.
←Rate | 10-09-2011 05:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”
←Rate | 10-05-2011 12:50 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time a white guy sags his pants, somewhere in the world, a black baby grows up with a father.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:44 Comments (0)  

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