father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg
←Rate | 06-20-2010 23:01 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father
←Rate | 06-15-2010 21:03 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 03:46 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet
←Rate | 06-29-2010 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me
←Rate | 06-13-2010 23:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 06:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-19-2015 17:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....
←Rate | 06-21-2015 19:28 by wiserone Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dad, you are like a father to me.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 02:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A home-made Father's Day gift from your kids seems nice until you remember kids in other countries make Air Jordans and iPhones.
←Rate | 06-10-2017 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.”
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any boy can be a dad but only a real man can be a father
←Rate | 08-25-2010 14:40 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Happy father day to the men in our lives that have made a diffrence when we didnt have one to be there.., our uncles, brothers, grandfathers teachers bosses,step dads...you didnt have to be there, but we were all grateful you were.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
←Rate | 06-21-2015 03:32 by DeeX Comments (0)  

   messageicon Little girl asked her father,do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?The father replied,No, some begin with - If elected I promise..
←Rate | 08-04-2010 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father taught me a lot of things, however, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a great dad. A close second is how to have a conversation with someone for a half an hour even though you can't remember their name or anything else
←Rate | 06-19-2011 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would like to nominate my husband for Father of the Year for having the innovation to rename Tomato Soup to Ketchup Soup, thereby getting our kids to actually eat it.
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mick Jagger to be a father at 72. Names Keith Richards child's godfather to ensure the child is brought up right long after Mick's gone.
←Rate | 07-15-2016 16:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.
←Rate | 02-19-2009 16:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
←Rate | 06-27-2014 01:55 Comments (0)  

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