father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father

   Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.

   My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet

   i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me

   Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.

   Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."

   Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....

   Dad, you are like a father to me.

   A home-made Father's Day gift from your kids seems nice until you remember kids in other countries make Air Jordans and iPhones.

   One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.”

   Any boy can be a dad but only a real man can be a father

   Happy father day to the men in our lives that have made a diffrence when we didnt have one to be there.., our uncles, brothers, grandfathers teachers bosses,step dads...you didnt have to be there, but we were all grateful you were.

   I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.

   Little girl asked her father,do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?The father replied,No, some begin with - If elected I promise..

   My father taught me a lot of things, however, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a great dad. A close second is how to have a conversation with someone for a half an hour even though you can't remember their name or anything else

   I would like to nominate my husband for Father of the Year for having the innovation to rename Tomato Soup to Ketchup Soup, thereby getting our kids to actually eat it.

   Mick Jagger to be a father at 72. Names Keith Richards child's godfather to ensure the child is brought up right long after Mick's gone.

   your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.

   If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.