father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 06:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after he found out Luke has money.
←Rate | 11-16-2013 22:32 by Audrey J Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.
←Rate | 11-13-2013 21:12 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."
←Rate | 11-10-2013 17:38 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father is at that age where he will have a full on conversation with a telemarketer.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 20:19 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!
←Rate | 10-09-2013 01:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D
←Rate | 10-03-2013 13:47 by Ajdo Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 13:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....
←Rate | 09-10-2013 22:02 by Southern Yankee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!
←Rate | 09-09-2013 17:53 Comments (2)  

   messageicon A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mommy! What's a lesbian?" She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"
←Rate | 09-08-2013 08:53 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon hoping no kids wish me a happy father's day today.
←Rate | 09-01-2013 10:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-30-2013 08:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Darth Vader condoms. Because hell no, I will not be your father.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 01:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm white, but not "know where my father is" white.
←Rate | 06-21-2013 13:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If on Father's day you don't post a picture of your dad carrying you as a baby, I'm not sure you really "love" him.
←Rate | 06-18-2013 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear God, I could have wished a happy Father's day but decided against it considering how an absent, unaring and neglecting dead-beat dad you have been. I bet Kanye West would make a better father than you.
←Rate | 06-17-2013 02:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon father's day is a great time to stop into a strip club to remind yourself that you could have done worse as a father.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 21:25 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would wish my father a Happy Father's Day on Facebook but I blocked him
←Rate | 06-16-2013 17:21 by J.D. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

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