father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 13:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Three times when it is OK for a man to cry: At your father's funeral, when a heroic dog dies saving his master, and when Mr. Happy gets caught in your zipper.
←Rate | 01-28-2014 08:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.
←Rate | 01-25-2014 19:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME
←Rate | 01-23-2014 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon —Mom, what's for dinner? —Nothing, son. Your father studied Graphic Design.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.
←Rate | 01-13-2014 21:51 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgive me father, for I like sin.
←Rate | 12-13-2013 00:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 06:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after he found out Luke has money.
←Rate | 11-16-2013 22:32 by Audrey J Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.
←Rate | 11-13-2013 21:12 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."
←Rate | 11-10-2013 17:38 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father is at that age where he will have a full on conversation with a telemarketer.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 20:19 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!
←Rate | 10-09-2013 01:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D
←Rate | 10-03-2013 13:47 by Ajdo Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 13:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....
←Rate | 09-10-2013 22:02 by Southern Yankee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!
←Rate | 09-09-2013 17:53 Comments (2)  

   messageicon A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mommy! What's a lesbian?" She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"
←Rate | 09-08-2013 08:53 by Baddie Comments (0)  

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