Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4992 of 6369
My uncle married a woman from Tokyo and they just had a daughter. She’s my Japaniece..
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06-16-2020 08:09
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Remember: some days you are the pigeon, some days you are the statue.
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09-17-2011 06:06 by leo
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Just told my girlfriend to call me before she heads home so I will have time to get the beer, smoke and strippers out of here and she "thinks" I was joking.
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09-27-2011 12:21
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Aah, It's the weekend again. Time to gather the family around the computer or smart phone and read out my status updates for the week. Keep smiling my friends.
I can't believe UPS stole the "What can brown do for you?" slogan from Ex-Lax. Ain't that some sh*t?
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04-22-2011 16:24 by Gman
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You know why they call it golf? Cause all the other four letter words were taken!!
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04-23-2011 09:15 by Wolf
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Just poked about 20 people in about 20 sec's flat... Whew... Blows on finger....
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04-25-2011 21:10 by punkie
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I had no idea Elton John married Matt Lauer?!
just returned from Pakistan--does anyone know how to clean the dirt out from under your nails? no specific reason as to why.
The awkward moment when a Liverpool fan asks what's the time and its 19:18.
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05-16-2011 13:34 by fadi
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s a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
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05-18-2011 09:31 by Griff
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Can't wait till the movie "colombiana" comes out. She is the real definition of a Bad b!tch....
when you run like a ninja to your charger when your phone is low battery
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08-22-2011 00:00 by BEGO
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UNDENIABLE FACTS 101: You were born because, your parents had sex.
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08-25-2011 05:01
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Nobody is perfect, but don't use that excuse to cover up your mistakes and stupidity.
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08-25-2011 13:56 by NO BODY
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No seriuously we should not have dumped Osama bin Laden's body in the ocean ..... Neptune is pissed. He has Unleashed The Kraken's
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08-28-2011 00:07 by Rob
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People keep saying how strong stomach acid is but I am pretty convinced that corn can kick it's butt.
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08-29-2011 20:40
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My sleep number is Advil
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09-01-2011 02:10 by ~Tylord
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Baskin-Robbins just sent a memo to Rosie O'Donnell-"Thanks to you, we're down to only 5 flavors!"
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09-06-2011 07:57 by Mick F
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I thought dressing for your shape was the new sexy, not dressing like a slut!
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03-07-2011 06:30
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