Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So I got out of having to hang with the inlaws by going to work. Good trade I say!

   wonders if anyone has ever fallen asleep at the keyboard and crashed into the monitor....Do they have insurance for that????

   The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?

   Grilled by the media contantly in recent weeks, authorities have stated that they had been following failed "Times Square Bomber" Faisal Shahzad for months, but only on Twitter.

   Has just left his next instalment on his payback trail at the local BP. Thats right BP, you thought you made a mess. Wait till you get a LOAD of me..thats right, UPPER DECKER

   so.. my lawyer says to her lawyer if she thinks she gettin that yacht then she's a little dingy

   If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?

   If your friend doesn't lift a finger to help you...it is time to first lift a finger and then lift five fingers to wave goodbye!

   California is a nice place to live - if you happen to be an Orange.

   Has anybody ever enjoyed moving ever? I now hate our mattress.

   loves to be the first person to use a new bar of soap

   it's so hot, my ice coffee is sweating more than I am

   I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

   Facebook should give a breathalyzer test before you can sign in.

   always carrying brass knuckles, cause you never know.

   NOT being considered to be a judge on American Idol!

   Grown ass men on Facebook playing Eye spy..Really?..Well when you're done playing that, maybe you can pull out your childhood easy bake oven, and make us all some cupcakes.

   Your parents are still alive and togather but when you asked "who is your favourite couple?" your answer is "Jay Z and Beyonce",for real?

   They have better health care in China at the robot factory that built Paul Ryan.

   Oh, did you say Russia? We thought you were asking if we colluded with Prussia.