Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Good news is that now Tokyo Drift is only the SECOND worst thing to happen to the F&F Franchise.

   "Awe crap" ~ The first thing that goes through your head when "Michael has commented on your status" pops up in your phones notification bar.

   Women - your mouth can get you into a lot of trouble, but it can get you out of a hell of a lot more trouble.

   I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.

   And that was the last time I confused Clorox cleaning sheets with baby wipes.

   It's a sick world where Paul Walker can die in an auto accident and Bieber walk away with a bad singing career... and breathing.

   Did you ever stop to think and then forget to start again? That happens to me all the time.

   My boyfriend is such a treasure, I just want to bury him.

   "Hole of an ass you are..." ~ Yoda probably

   Ideas are cheap, execution matters.

   My parents told me I wasn't a planned child...That explains why my life isn't going according to plan!

   The thing I miss most about being in a relationship is making someone cry.

   We know how annoying it is when skinny girls keep talking about how fat they are. Stop fishing for damn compliments

   Some people have a super power of fcuking up your hopes and dreams while smiling at you.

   Always choose a proctologist with a good buttside manner.

   I hate the word friendzone! "Especially when I'm out with a woman who tells me that she loves me like a brother!......Unless she's from Alabama or West Kentucky of course.

   Remember Folks: A day without sunshine is...like, well...night.

   Get your mind out of the gutter. It's blocking my view.

   I wish I was excited about anything as much as Jim Ross was to see a Stone Cold Stunner.

   It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.