Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4969 of 6446

It's a shame the guy who invented the wheel didn't make a fortune from his invention, but the guy who invented Wheel of Fortune did.
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07-27-2011 19:12
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I hope you are as good with your lips as you are good with your words!
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08-01-2011 11:27
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forget the london roits , the main story I'm interested in is USA man killed by flying cow .... How did it get its pilot license?

Good thing these facebook pokes are cyber based. If they were real and unprotected, I wouldn't have a family, I'd have a city.
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08-14-2011 19:56 by Mick F
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Some people live one life, then tweet another.
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08-17-2011 04:18
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A clean tie will attract the soup of the day.
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08-17-2011 15:25
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Man who checks out woman's package, dosen't always work for UPS.
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08-17-2011 15:59
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Whenever you feel like an idiot, just remember that flushing the toilet correctly already makes you less of an idiot than someone else
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08-17-2011 23:22 by ptv
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The word "lulz" hurts my eyes. Please make it stop.

about as useful as a dollar store pregnancy test........but I'm trying to stay positive about it...
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04-18-2013 09:13
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Ok, so I now know that if a girl asks if she looks fat, do not reply, "In what area?"
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04-25-2013 09:03
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More is better than less because if there's more less stuff, then you might want to have some more. And your parents won't let you because there's only a little. If you really like something, you'll want more of it. We want more, we want more. You really
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05-02-2013 20:15
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Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant, I'm just getting drunk
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05-22-2013 00:53 by Zinc
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Just saw Fast 6....watching the heroes downshift their auto stick in anger was just disappointing.
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05-27-2013 19:28
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Hunny... You dont speak a lick of English.. But you repeated my coffee order perfectly! Will you marry me!

Tropical Storm 2013 Tip: To avoid lacerations while looting, be sure to wear puncture-resistant silicone oven mitts when crowbarring shop windows.....
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06-05-2013 15:52 by sully
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I want to start a new liquor company and call it "Responsibly". Free advertising since all liquor companies advise you to drink it, and you don't need to feel guilt because you're drinking Responsibly!
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06-06-2013 12:34 by Jeffafa
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A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her... immediately!!!!

Don't choose someone if they have to think twice about choosing you.
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06-20-2013 01:38
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Women who think the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach are aiming too high... jest saying
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06-21-2013 14:23 by Yoda
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